Stokehenge

Stokehenge in Stockton Brook is probably the most important prehistoric monument in the whole of Stoke and has attracted visitors from all over North Staffordshire and beyond! Just last week I met someone there who had come all the way from Buxton!

Stokehenge

The Stokehenge that we see today is the final stage that was completed about 3501 years ago. The first Stokehenge was probably a large ditch, used by locals for fly-tipping, built around 3101 BC. The second and most dramatic stage of Stokehenge started around 2151 BC when big rocks from the Roaches in the Staffordshire Moorlands (near to the "winking man") were brought to the site.

The "winking man" rock formation

The stones were dragged by local pigmy slaves down through Leek, Longsdon and Endon and arranged in the formation we all now know and love.

Escaped Psychic Causes Traffic Chaos!

Police in Hanley were caught with their pants down earlier today - when a psychic in their custody on public indecency charges escpaed during a supervised visit to the toilet!

The man caused chaos on the roads after escaping from Hanley Police Station. The Bentilee-based psychic, Jeb Diamond, brought traffic to a standstill as he bounded naked between cars during the city's rush hour.

"We thought we had him cornered and then he jumped right over a burning effigy of David Cameron and he was off down the road like a bastard," said Police spokesman Barry Shanks.

David Cameron burns!

The man had been arrested earlier for walking naked along Dividy Road in Bentilee while singing the Christina Aguilera hit 'Beautiful' and rubbing his erect nipples at oncoming traffic.

"He's now very calm and happy again and none the worse for his little adventure," added Barry Shanks. "It reminded me of the film 'Baby's Day Out', if you've seen it. But with an oiled-up naked psychic instead of a baby."

Staffordshire Police Ready For Alien Invasion

Police responding to possible alien attacks or invasions in Staffordshire have been kitted out with potentially life-saving equipment.

Three police response vehicles will carry a special pack designed to fight aliens. The pack contains a knife (to fight any hostile aliens), a mirror (to deflect alien ray gun blasts) and a 10p coin to use in a phone box should the Police's radio system go down. 

Officers from Staffordshire Police have been trained to use the devices. Police spokesman PC Barry Shanks is happy with how everything has gone. "Once again, Staffordshire Police has shown itself to be the best, most forward-thinking and most competent police force in the world. Fact."

The cars are based at the three most important sites in Staffordshire: Hanley, Leek and Fegg Hayes.

Voodoo In Stoke

Voodoo is perhaps the most mysterious of all mainstream religions. It can also be a very powerful force. It is believed by some that Voodoo can even be used to kill enemies and to resurrect dead believers in a zombified state!

Many slaves brought to Stoke in the 1700s were Voodoo worshippers. However, in Stoke, they found they were at the forefront of a backlash against Voodoo by the Catholic Church. Catholic slave-owners were encouraged by church leaders to convert their slaves "with lethal force".

However, Voodoo High Priest Eric Djemba-Germain roused his followers in Stoke. Several high profile Catholics died under mysterious circumstances around this time, the most bizarre being a priest who was found dead while having sex with a scarecrow. The Voodoo Church claimed responsibility. The Catholic Church called an uneasy truce.

Some Catholics

Catholic priests continued to speak against Voodoo from the pulpits but did not actively campaign against their rival religion until 1796 when an impatient bishop, Padraig McCock, began to organise anti-voodoo rallies and beatings. In 1800, the Catholic Church launched a violent campaign of renunciation directed at Voodoo followers. The priests went about their attacks with such a blood-thirst that the English government was forced to intercede and command them to cease and desist.

Despite the persecution, the Voodoo faith was continued in secret, particularly in Hanley's French Quarter. Over time it even adopted some aspects of the Catholic religion, as descendants of the original believers spread throughout across the world. The beliefs of European workers mixed with Voodoo practices of slaves was soon created in Stoke with its fertile blend of immigrant cultures.

Dave Munton, who has investigated
Voodoo practises

Today, it is believed that 10% of Stoke citizens, mainly people who live in the French Quarter in Hanley, practise Voodoo.

There is still a great deal of mystery and fear attached to Voodoo rituals. At a Voodoo ceremony, there is normally a feast (consisting of traditional Stoke foods such as oatcakes, pikelets and chips), worshipping, dancing and chanting. Normally an animal such as a chicken, goat, sheep or wolf is sacrificed and their blood is collected. This is used to sate the hunger of the angry gods.

Also well known are Voodoo dolls and Voodoo curses. Local entrepreneur and romantic swashbuckler Dave Munton spent several years collecting examples of "Voodoo death", instances in which men and women died as a result of being the recipient of a curse, an alleged supernatural visitation, or the breaking of some tribal or cultural taboo.

Voodoo black magic is performed by priests who place curses, and stick pins in Voodoo dolls to cause people pain and suffering. However, this use of Voodoo is now performed mainly for tourists, and the faith is promoted by its followers as being a wonderful way to understand the human condition and the world around us.

It is estimated there are now more than 60 million people who practice Voodoo worldwide, largely where people from Africa, Haiti and Stoke have settled.

The Voodoo Church in Stoke also operates celebrity centres for its many high profile followers. Members of the public are not banned from the centres but are encouraged not to attend and bother the important people. The centres were established in 1954 to attract celebrities, artists, politicians and captains of industry to attend. Church leaders believe that Voodoo speaks to celebrities and high profile people better than other religions. "It's like this: Voodoo suits celebrity personalities," explains High Priestess LaDonna Brubaker. "People who have money and fame need spiritual validation and guidance, which we can offer. Plus, we only take 7.5% of their earnings compared to the 10% most other religions want from celebrities."

Did "Crouchy" Use Voodoo To Become Famous?

It has been claimed somewhere on the internet that Stoke City footballer Peter Crouch is a rabid user of Voodoo and harnassed its spells to get so tall (6'7") and become a famous footballer!

Crouch goes surfing on Lake Burslem

The claims come from a football forum from an anonymous user who says he is a "Stoke City insider".

"I can't keep quiet about this any longer," said the insider. "Crouchy uses Voodoo to satisfy his own desires. As a Voodoo practitioner myself, I only use spells for good. Crouchy has been using them for fame and wealth."

A Voodoo priestess in Hanley

As we all know, Stoke is the Voodoo capital of Europe; Hanley's French Quarter is home to a large African and Haitian population who practise Vodun or Voodoo. "That was one of Crouchy's motivations for joining Stoke City over other teams like Sunderland," adds the insider. "He knows that if he needs to sacrifice a goat or get a Voodoo doll, he only needs to go to the French Quarter in Hanley to get what he needs."

Crouch has yet to give any comment on Voodoo.

Danny Dyer: I Believe!

If you've seen a British film in the last 10 years that isn't a period costume drama, then you will have seen Danny Dyer. Maybe what you don't know about the omnipresent cockney hardman actor is that he believes in UFOs!

Another film, another classic

Dyer made a show ('I Believe in UFOs') for the superb BBC Three channel in 2010, encouraged by a meeting with right-wing anti-immigration campaigner and astronomer Patrick Moore, where he investigates crop circles, UFOs and cults.

Patrick Moore, yesterday

This show was part of the same series that brought us Joe Swash's ground-breaking 'I Believe in Ghosts'...

http://stokeparanormalsociety.blogspot.com/2011/12/joe-swash-i-believe.html

As with Joe Swash's show, the programme got what might be described as mixed reviews. Patrick West at Spiked Online bemoans Dyer's "predictable, formulaic and unrelenting music-hall Cockney patois", says that "most heterosexual men think Danny Dyer is a twat" because of "his absurd, bow-legged gait, his speech impediment and his appalling mockneyisms".

http://www.spiked-online.com/index.php/site/article/8048/

Image Of Peter Crouch Found In Naan Bread

Volunteer bouncer Dave Brolly got a surprise when he went out for a curry in Goldenhill on Saturday night - an image of Stoke City striker Peter Crouch in his naan bread!

Peter Crouch in a naan bread

Dave said: "I spotted Crouchy looking back at me. It was clearly him, you can tell by the long shape of the face and the haunted look in the eyes. It was an eerie thing to see given how close we were to Sunday's association football cup match against Liverpool. It was surely a good sign." Crouch did indeed go onto score against Liverpool the next day!

Peter Crouch in a tracksuit

A few days earlier a woman from Stoke-upon-Trent claimed she could see the face of Crouch in a bruise on her arm. She also claimed that the bruise talked to her and told her to do bad things.

Man Sees UFO Over Hanford

Derbyshire native Bob Felcher, who now lives in Hanford, saw a UFO fly over his house on Sunday night while he was feeding his pet badgers in his back yard.

Bob Felcher (L) and best friend Mustapha (R)

"It was silver and saucer-shaped," he says. "And I saw me one of them there aliens look out the dang window. Sure was ugly. Had big eyes like yer man Chuck Norris. When it left, I prayed to almighty God that them there aliens won't be coming back. And they ain't, which proves the existence of God."

David Murray: "I Have Been Reborn!"

Emerging in front of the assembled press pack at Quasar at Festival Park wearing only a purple velvet track suit, (and no pants or shoes, as he was keen to point out,) film critic David Murray, who was recently declared missing for over a week, stunned journalists by announcing that he was the son of god!

"I have been reborn to fight evil on the planet," said Murray. "Evil forces have ruled the world for centuries and I have come back, with the power of God, to try to help the world."

To the bewilderment of all assembled, Murray went on to describe conspiracy theories involving monarchs, world leaders, aliens, badgers and more!

"This shadowy ruling network is responsible for everything in the world, from 11/9, as it should be called, to the disaster in New Orleans and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. My mission is now to make people aware of this conspiracy against humanity and to fight their future plans. That is all."

Murray's publicist added that he was planning on writing books about his experience and mission, and will be going on a lecture tour in the near future.

Book Review: Friday The 13th Part 3

Book: Friday the 13th Part 3

Author: Michael Avallone

Released: 1982

Published to coincide with the release of the film of the same name, Friday the 13th Part 3 tells the story of Jason Vorhees returning to Crystal Lake following the end of Part 2 when he was hacked in his neck/shoulder with a machete.

After taking time in a nearby barn to recover from his injury, our hero Jason makes his way back to the lake going on an awesome killing spree, taking down idiot bikers and annoying young people with reckless abandon.

Eventually though, Jason's downfall comes in the form of an axe attack to his head. But will he find a way to return for another adventure?

This is one of two novelisations of the classic third film in the series, the other by Simon Hawke. For me, this is the better of the two, going into more detail of Jason's brutal killings and set at a more frenetic pace. It also contains scenes not included in the film.

A must for book fans everywhere.

Rating: 4/5

Bigfoot vs Crazy Paving

Kayleigh Burton and her eight children (by six different fathers) claim that a Bigfoot climbed over their garden fence in Hanley in August 1995 while they were having a barbecue!

The Bigfoot hungrily ate some burgers but took against the sausages, threw the barbecue down (cracking some of the crazy paving) then fled back towards Central Forest Park.

Kayleigh has a cigarette to calm down
after her encounter with Bigfoot

"It was over in seconds and we're lucky to be alive," said Kayleigh at the time. "But who's going to repair my crazy paving?"

Missing Film Critic Found In Fegg Hayes

Missing film critic David Murray has been found!

He was found earlier today wandering around Fegg Hayes while wearing white robes. Normally he wears bright clothes and a monocle.

There's been no news yet as to his state of mind. Hopefully his brain will still function normally and he hasn't been left a drooling vegetable by whatever experience it is that he has been through.

More news when I have it.

Ovulating Women Are "Better At Spotting Ghosts"

Professor Chip Ironside of Staffordshire University has tested 50 healthy women of child-bearing age at three different phases of their cycle to check their ability to see ghosts!

The women were simultaneously shown ten pictures, one of which was a ghost among   a pile of oatcakes while the others were only of oatcakes. The volunteers were tested on how quickly they spotted the spirit.

Watch out for ghosts!

The fastest women were those who were in the stage that immediately follows ovulation. The study strengthens theories that we have a "fear reflex", an innate response to threat signals such as ghosts trying to steal our oatcakes.

Among women in Stoke, the reflex seems to be influenced by hormone levels at a stage when they could be pregnant and thus be more protective towards their foetus or their oatcakes, the study suggests.

The paper was published on Thursday in Stoke's science journal 'Scientific Stoke'.

Ghost Evicted From Home After 5 Year Legal Battle

188-year-old ghost Joan de Souza has lost a five-year battle to save her home of 146 years from the bulldozers.

The former witchfinder's assistant had held down five part-time cleaning jobs to help raise the £1 needed to buy her family's Shelton home in 1866. But Stoke City Council moved in yesterday to board up the property after using an exorcist to force the spirit to move on or face destruction.

Now Joan, who is currently haunting a residential home, says she has nowhere to live after becoming the last resident to leave Wood Terrace. The homes have been condemned after tests revealed they aren't "cool enough" for modern living.

A typical street in Shelton

Joan, whose husband of 37 years died in 1881, said to a medium: "My home should not be taken away. I loved living there and didn't want to leave. The process has made me ill. I am quite literally as pale as a ghost."

Great granddaughter Helen Hunt said: "My Great grandmother is a feisty old ghost and materialised at regeneration meetings to tell the council she would not leave. Shelton is her home."

Family friend and neighbour Marvin Hagler said: "Joan fought hard to keep that house. She didn't want to leave Shelton because this is where she belongs and haunting and possessing people mean the world to her."

Councillor Richard Cliff, cabinet member for housing and destruction, said: "We appreciate that leaving a property can be a distressing. But if she doesn't stay away from the area, then mark my words, we will exorcise her. And you can quote me on that."

Robbie Williams: I Believe!

Pop star Robbie Williams is one of the most famous people from Stoke, probably second only to his mentor Jonathan Wilkes. What not everyone knows about Williams is that he is a big believer in UFOs and claims to have seen some himself!

You can read Jon Ronson's piece for The Guardian newspaper about "Our Robbie" and UFOs here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2008/apr/19/popandrock.spaceexploration

Was Missing Film Critic Kidnapped By Aliens?

In case you don't know, Stoke's number one film critic, David Murray, is missing. It is now over a week since he was last seen, at Quasar at Festival Park in Etruria.

http://eyeonstoke.blogspot.com/2012/03/local-film-critic-goes-missing.html

The angry mob looking for him resumed its search today, after taking yesterday off because of the bad weather.

http://eyeonstoke.blogspot.com/2012/03/charity-single-recorded-for-missing.html

Reader Tim Beggar of Fegg Hayes was dogging on Goldenhill Golf Course last Thursday night and claims he saw a UFO in the area. "I was hanging around by some car, watching a couple do it on the back seat," explains Tim. "I was next in line. Some craft with bright lights goes overhead, I don't pay much attention to it, 'cus you get loads of rich folk in that area flying their helicopters about. Anyway, after a while, I think, 'Bleedin' hell, this helicopter's low,' and I look up and it's only a bleedin' UFO, innit. I think the dirty rotters were hangin' about watching the dogging action, if you ask me. Oh yeah, and they could've kidnapped that film critic you're lookin' for."

The 17th green at Goldenhill Golf Club

So could he have been taken by aliens? No-one could say for certain, but I would say for certain that is probable that the likelihood is that he may have been taken. Perhaps he is being anally probed as you read this, shudder the thought. Whatever happens, he remains in our thoughts. May the aliens have mercy on his soul.

Supernatural Fog Envelopes Stoke?

Stokies across the city woke up to a shock this morning: Stoke was covered in thick fog! Worse, it seems that the fog might even be of paranormal origins!

Reports have come in from across the city of strange happenings in the fog. Six people from Chell Heath have been reported dead when fog caused electrical problems with mobility scooters which lead to a pile-up on Chumps Road.

Nearly half the adult population of Brindley Ford phoned in sick for their JobCentre appointments this morning.

Residents of Cobridge are reported to have been plagued by nosebleeds, sore throats and strange needle marks on their arms.

Lake Burslem in the fog

One of our readers, calling herself Howard Donald, e-mailed her own encounter with the fog: "I was leaving my road in Tunstall at around 8am to drive to the local shop to get some fags and booze. I had just pulled out of the estate and there was a thick fog rolling in. I drove quickly to try to beat the fog when I saw a very bright light ahead. As I drove closer, I saw a kebab shop. I pulled in to grab a quick kebab and I asked staff how a new kebab shop could have been built in Tunstall so fast and he looked at me strangely. He then said in a strange accent that it had been there for two years. I asked him where I was and when he told me I began to shake uncontrollaby. I was in Liverpool! I fucking hate Scousers!"

Billie Fink

On 25 August 2007, 15 year old Billie Fink from Cobridge claims she was abducted by aliens, who then forced her to drink beer, smoke cigarettes and have sex with them. After returning home at 3am with no memory of the abduction and subsequent events, her mother took her to see a magician (Magic Hans) who hypnotises people as part of his act. Here is a part of the transcript of that session.

Billie: They've brung me some beer. They want me to drink it and smoke some ciggies. I do it but I tell 'em I'm not a slag.

MH: How long does this go on for?

Billie: We do it for an hour or two, I'm no lightweight, anyone who tells you that is a major mong. One alien is flying the spaceship around really fastly and has loud hip hop on his stereo. At one point a space-police spaceship followed us but we lost it.

MH: Then what happens?

Billie: One of the aliens in the back seat starts groping me off while the other starts snogging me. Then they unzip their trousers and tell me to suck 'em off.

Billie went on to describe the aliens and her getting up to all sorts of sexual activities. The magicians assistant present at the time of the hypnosis says that Billie "smelled of fags and booze". Billie says this proves her story is real.

Bigfoot, Dave, Barry And Stephen Milligan MP

Dave Bourne and his stepson Barry Biggins were camping near to the Knypersley Reservoir, near to Fegg Hayes (in northernmost Stoke!). It was 07 February 1994, the same day that Conservative politician Stephen Milligan was to die from autoerotic asphyxiation. It would be days before Dave and Barry would learn that Milligan had died wearing stockings and suspenders, a piece of chord tied to his neck from his ankles, a plastic bag over his head and an orange segment stuffed in his mouth, and perhaps more importantly, days before the world would learn of Dave and Barry's heart-warming story.

Stephen Milligan MP, who literally
wanked himself to death in 1994

They arrived at the campsite on a crisp morning, the frost dancing in the air like a sex-starved voodoo priestess. They decided to visit the waterfalls at the southern end of the reservoir to look for nearby mountain lions with their binoculars. Barry was watching a lost, drunken tramp about half-a-mile away, just above the lake, when he stopped.

Dave explained to Barry that they were looking at four Bigfoot who appeared to be playing a game similar to British Bulldog. This was unusual as Bigfoot is not normally found in this area, they are normally to be seen in Central Stoke. This is normally Yeti area.

While they were watching, two of the creatures walked to some rocks and sat down, as if to have a rest. Barry noticed that, judging by the way it limped, one of them appeared to have a bad leg. "That's because British Bulldog is a very rough game," said Dave. A passing party of prison guards and sex offenders had also stopped to watch the creatures playing. The game continued for another ten minutes before the Bigfoot finally left the clearing. Dave and Barry checked the area again over the course of the next few days but never saw the creatures again.

Meanwhile, the twelve sex offenders had used the distraction of the Bigfoot to escape from the guards. To this day, four of the men have yet to be recaptured. They are described as being "very sexual and very dangerous".

Stoke Cult Gets Academy Status

Hanford-based cult The Children of Gaia has learned today that it has gained academy status, the first cult in Stoke to do so.

It’s a big relief for followers of the cult, as most recently they had to start a 'Save Our Cult' campaign as it was under threat of closure due to a large tax bill.

The cult received a letter this morning from Michael Gove's Department of Education approving the application put in by the cult's  governing council over the summer holidays.

Michael Gove, yesterday

Mistress Coitus, cult leader,  said: "We will now stay open. It's very good news for everybody. We told our followers this morning and we're sending a letter out to people in the local community and our enemies on the morrow."

The conversion can take place any time in the next four to six months ready for the new school year in September.

"Lot of hard work begins today," Mistress Coitus continued, "We need to research and evaluate which is the best way forward now – do we become self-governing or join an existing academy group like the NEAB? The curriculum itself will be based on Gaia's teaching, but all are welcome to attend. The day-to-day won't change – it will be the same cult, beliefs and worship. There's a possibility of a new uniform. I'm into black leather right now."

As the Children of Gaia has achieved academy status, its tax debt will now be written off.

Why Stokies Point At Planes

Reader Doris Ahmed has e-mailed the following link from trendy liberal newspaper The Guardian's website which contains the quote: "With Stoke being one of those places where locals still point at airplanes and wave at moving trains..."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/dec/22/football-fiver-christmas-awards

Well Mr and Mrs Guardian writers, maybe people in Stoke point at the sky because of the high concentration of UFO activity in the skies over Stoke, did you think about that?

To be fair, people in Stoke do still wave at moving trains. I can't explain why that happens.

Fenton

Fenton is located just south of the city centre (Hanley and Stoke-upon-Trent).

Fenton, from the Chinese 'feng tun', means bitch slap.

Fenton was one of the original "seven towns" that joined together to form Stoke-on-Trent in 1910 (along with Burslem, Fegg Hayes, Hanley, Longton, Stoke-upon-Trent and Tunstall).

Fenton has been called "the place Longton wishes it was".

During WWI, Fenton declared itself a tax haven hoping to attract rich war-evaders.

Fenton is named after former footballer Graham Fenton who once had a successful loan spell with Stoke City FC.

Fenton is home to Fenton Magistrates Court. Local judges are notoriously strict, often handing out sentences such as "hard labour", chain gangs and 100+ years sentences.

Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

For more on Fenton, click here:

http://stokeparanormalsociety.blogspot.com/search/label/Fenton