Goldenhill Spirit Box Contact

Goldenhill resident Barry Yonkers says he has no choice but to believe in the paranormal after contacting spirits using a 'spirit box'!

Barry was out dogging one night last week at Goldenhill golf course, having taken what he believed to be an analogue radio along with him. Trying to tune the radio to Signal Gold, Barry could find nothing but white noise on the airwaves.

Barry then said to himself, out loud, "Why the fuck isn't this foreign piece of shit working? Those slave kids who make this bollocks don't deserve a proper fucking wage." Barry was surprised to get a response from the airwaves; "Cus it isn't a radio you fucktard!"

"I thought I had accidentally tuned into some hippy liberal 'alternative' student station or some shit," Barry laughed. "It turned out I was being spoken to by spirits from another dimension."

A spirit box is used by experts to search for beings not able to contact humans by normal means. They are often able to make themselves heard over the white noise produced by the radio-like device.

"I had a bit of banter then got down to a bit of ragging," Barry added. "Got noshed off real good by some proper sloppy bitches. If you find my spirit box out on the course can you leave it at the pro shop please. I think I left it behind the hut by the fifteenth tee."

Beware Ghost In Goldenhill

If you're planning on going dogging anytime soon next to Goldenhill Golf Course, just off Kidsgrove Road, you might want to be aware of the ghost reported to be haunting the area!

I've never been, but dogging friends of mine have, and they are reporting that a pervy apparition has been spying on the hot outdoor action, and sometimes, commentating on it too!

"We're used to people watching us," says official dogger spokesman Fred Claus. "And we get off on it, but noobs might get weirded out by it the first time, so they should be careful."

Tonight's main dogging hotspots will be at the following car parks:

Chell Heath Conservative Working Men's Club

Dimensions Leisure Centre (Burslem)

Fegg Hayes Calvinist Chapel

Goldenhill Golf Course

Middleport Adventure Theme Park

Norton Space Centre

Wedgwood Museum

Image Of Peter Crouch Found In Naan Bread

Volunteer bouncer Dave Brolly got a surprise when he went out for a curry in Goldenhill on Saturday night - an image of Stoke City striker Peter Crouch in his naan bread!

Peter Crouch in a naan bread

Dave said: "I spotted Crouchy looking back at me. It was clearly him, you can tell by the long shape of the face and the haunted look in the eyes. It was an eerie thing to see given how close we were to Sunday's association football cup match against Liverpool. It was surely a good sign." Crouch did indeed go onto score against Liverpool the next day!

Peter Crouch in a tracksuit

A few days earlier a woman from Stoke-upon-Trent claimed she could see the face of Crouch in a bruise on her arm. She also claimed that the bruise talked to her and told her to do bad things.

Was Missing Film Critic Kidnapped By Aliens?

In case you don't know, Stoke's number one film critic, David Murray, is missing. It is now over a week since he was last seen, at Quasar at Festival Park in Etruria.

http://eyeonstoke.blogspot.com/2012/03/local-film-critic-goes-missing.html

The angry mob looking for him resumed its search today, after taking yesterday off because of the bad weather.

http://eyeonstoke.blogspot.com/2012/03/charity-single-recorded-for-missing.html

Reader Tim Beggar of Fegg Hayes was dogging on Goldenhill Golf Course last Thursday night and claims he saw a UFO in the area. "I was hanging around by some car, watching a couple do it on the back seat," explains Tim. "I was next in line. Some craft with bright lights goes overhead, I don't pay much attention to it, 'cus you get loads of rich folk in that area flying their helicopters about. Anyway, after a while, I think, 'Bleedin' hell, this helicopter's low,' and I look up and it's only a bleedin' UFO, innit. I think the dirty rotters were hangin' about watching the dogging action, if you ask me. Oh yeah, and they could've kidnapped that film critic you're lookin' for."

The 17th green at Goldenhill Golf Club

So could he have been taken by aliens? No-one could say for certain, but I would say for certain that is probable that the likelihood is that he may have been taken. Perhaps he is being anally probed as you read this, shudder the thought. Whatever happens, he remains in our thoughts. May the aliens have mercy on his soul.

12 Ghosts of Christmas (6)

Local boyband 'Boyz 4 Life' were rehearsing dance moves in the garage behind a butcher's shop in Goldenhill when lead singer "S-Bomb" (real name: Makenzee Slack) was hit in the face by a flying spanner! Bang! Have some of that!

Boyz 4 Life publicity shot

The band thinks a poltergeist was responsible. They don't think it was a comment on their performance.

The Stokelantians

The Stokelantians is a cult founded in Goldenhill in the early 1990s by Weiss Uberman. The group believe (and distribute pamphlets claiming) that the original inhabitants of Stoke came from Atlantis; before Atlantis, they were from a galaxy called Powerion. The Powerions derive their power from the energy of the White Sun.

They teach that since the Stoke race has a divine mission to dominate all the other races on Earth as it is of extraterrestrial origin. It is believed by followers that a space fleet is on its way to Earth from Powerion Alpha, which will join forces with them to rule over the Earth.

The Stokelantians were one of the first cults to harness the seductive power of the internet. Uberman, voted Penkhull Bachelor Of The Year in 1986, used the website to post messages from aliens, many of whom wish him and the Stokelantians well in their quest to rule over the Universe, starting with Earth.

Weiss takes a dip in Lake Burslem

In the late 1990s, Uberman claimed that a giant meteorite, known around the universe as Kwanza’s Comet, was heading towards the Earth. The comet would hit the Earth in June 2002, affect the magnetic poles, displace the Earth’s crust and kill most of humanity. This would be similar to a biblical Armageddon. "The fact that it is of extraterrestrial origin proves I’m right and all other religions are wrong," wrote Uberman in his blog.

In July 2002, Uberman claimed that he had helped divert the disaster. "With my help, my alien friends have been able to keep back the comet. I can’t now tell you when it will hit Earth as this will give THE MAN the opportunity to enforce martial law."

The group has been accused of white supremacy, but their leader, Weiss Uberman, refutes this. "The Swastika is actually an ancient Powerion symbol for good luck. There is no racist connotation to it. In fact, there is no racism at all in the Powerion galaxy, as everyone is the same colour. White."