Tuesday 17 September 2013

Man Has Sex With Cars

Dave Knutts, who lives in Cobridge with his current "girlfriend" – a white Vauxhall Nova named Chantelle, has insisted that he is not "a sick little monkey" and has no desire to change his ways. 

"Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall, like my hero Michael Jackson," says the salad dresser. "But when I see movies and shows like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful."


But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his horniest sexual experience was "butt-fucking the shit out of" the helicopter from 1980s TV show 'Airwolf'.

"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change. Just like MJ, I am hated for loving."

He added: "There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked up and I swear it tells me to do it. Seriously."