Showing posts with label Stoke Skeptic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stoke Skeptic. Show all posts

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Vampire Corpse Found In Tunstall?

Amateur grave robbers believe they have found the remains of a female vampire in Tunstall - buried with corks on her teeth to prevent her biting people if/when she resurrects!

Phil Slapper, a media studies lecturer at Staffordshire University and vampire enthusiast who has seen every episode of 'The Vampire Diaries' on ITV2, said that the discovery in a tomb at Tunstall Cemetary is the first time that grave robbers have succeeded in finding a vampire. "This is the first time that grave robbers have succeeded in finding a vampire," he said. "As far as I'm concerned, as an academic, this proves the existence of vampires. And I think I speak on behalf of Staffordshire University when I say that."

The skeleton was unearthed by body snatchers Derek Tingle and Dave Link, who were later given another dead body as replacement for the corpse that they would have had if the one they'd stolen originally hadn't turned out to have (possibly) been a vampire.

Some vampires

"It's possible that other corpses have been found with corks on their teeth, but this is the first time anyone has told me about it," said Mr Slapper.

The skeleton was tied down with iron clamps and had a giant clothes peg drilled through where the woman's heart would have been.

Traffic warden and amateur paranormal debunker Dick Mellor is skeptical about the find. Writing in Stoke Skeptic magazine, he argued: "You mark my words, this will turn out not to be a real vampire. It will just be some oldentime skank who was killed and buried by religious nuts 'cus she liked to party hard, like it always is in these cases. If this is a real vampire, I will gladly suck the balls of every man in Stoke."

While legends about vampires date back thousands of years, the modern figure of the vampire was invented by Francis Ford Coppola in his 1992 film 'Bram Stoker's Dracula'. The film was later novelised by Fred Saberhagen, if you'd like to read a book version of the Dracula myth.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Joy For Students, Despair For Ghosts

Students have welcomed the new Thistley Hough High School building, currently under construction in Penkhull.


The new school building is the latest in a long line of local school refurbishments or new-builds. The good news is improved facilities for students. The bad news is that the current school building is said to be haunted and those ghosts will now have no-one to haunt!

Typical ghost

"It was Stoke City Council policy for many years to build schools on ancient burial grounds of any sort as the land was very cheap," explains local ghost expert Paul Brown, honorary chairman of The Paul Brown Ghost Club. "It meant saving money, but increased ghostly activity, which is the best of both possible worlds as far as I'm concerned. Moving schools to buildings that aren't haunted or built on burial grounds is just political correctness gone mad. And let's face it, none of these students are going to do anything in life anyway, so why waste the money on new buildings?"

Dick Mellor
Local cynic Dick Mellor is in favour of the trend for non-haunted schools. "Ghosts, if they exist, which they probably don't, are vermin, and should be treated as such," wrote Dick in his column in Stoke Skeptic magazine. "If we can't kill these rodents then let's at least move people away from them. They're ghastly creatures. I'd like to go and shoot them all in the face with a big gun. But a gun that kills ghosts."

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

I'd Like To Thank...

The blog is one week old!!

So far the reaction has been pretty good. Here is a selection of the many good reviews:

"An essential guide to the paranormal. If you happen to live in Stoke" - Crystal O'Future, psychic and medium

"The first thing I look at in the morning" - Example Gobbs, The Daily Gargoyle

"About bloody time!" - Dave Munton, explorer

"I may or may not have read this website" - Tony Pulis, Stoke City FC

"Back of the net!"

It's not all been good. I'm not going to lie, there's been some doubters and non-believers. Here's what they've said:

"A tear on the face of Mother Earth" - The Stoke Skeptic Magazine

"A shit stain of hapless paranormal investigations and bungling paranoia" - Stoke Society of the Paranormal

"I did not see it" - Arsene Wenger, Arsenal FC

"I did not see it"

What do I say to the skeptics? I say: I spit on your grave and I sleep with your daughters!

That is all.