Paranormal Investigator Granted Bail

Mick Wessex was granted bail at Fenton Magistrates Court today. Bail was set at £100 and Mr Wessex was ordered to hand over his passport and the spare gun he keeps strapped to his thigh.

Mr Wessex earlier denied the charge of premeditated murder saying that he shot and killed his girlfriend Sharon Dynamite by mistake thinking she was a ghost.

"There's a lot of ghosts out there who would love a go at me, so I always keep a specially adapted gun featuring sandpaper covered bullets at my bedside just in case," explained Mr Wessex.

The terms of the bail mean that he cannot leave Stoke, fire a gun or unsheathe a sword in public.

Wessex Arrives At Court For Bail Hearing

Paranormal Investigator Mick Wessex has arrived at Fenton Magistrates Court at the start of his bail hearing.

Seemingly in high spirits, Mr Wessex signed autographs for court staff and the judge before taking his seat in a specially adapted throne brought in for him by his defence lawyers from Andrew, Derek, Terrence and Pegg Associates.

When asked how he responded to the charge of murder for the shooting of his girlfriend Sharon Dynamite, he responded: "I call bullshit on this charge and demand to be found not guilty and released. Immediately."

Following an overlong lunch break, the hearing was not completed and will continue tomorrow.

Stoke Stunned By Wessex Murder Charge

Most Stokies are still in a state of shock following the shooting of Sharon Dynamite by paranormal investigator Mick Wessex, which Staffordshire Police will try to prosecute as premeditated murder.

While there has been some sympathy for Ms Dynamite, a double amputee who once competed in the Paralongton Games, the majority of Stokies have been rallying behind the paranormal investigator charged with her murder.

"I can't and won't believe it," says Mick Wessex fan Jody Finch from Fenton. "This is clearly a put-up job by the pigs."

Social network Twitter has seen yet more support for Wessex. Trends have included #FreeTheTrenthamOne, #Minnocent and #Innossex.

Previous Incidents At Wessex Home, Say Police

A Staffordshire Police source has told the Stoke Paranormal Society that they have been called out to his home, a mock Tudor mansion in Trentham, on numerous occasions leading up to the shooting of his girlfriend.

"The first time, a gunshot was reported by a neighbour," says PC Barry Shanks, who wishes to remain anonymous. "We arrived to find Mr Wessex and his girlfriend drunk, trying to shoot oatcakes off each other's heads. Technically, this is not a crime so there was nothing we could do."

"The second time, an intruder was reported at the property," continues PC Shanks. "We smashed our way into the property to find Mr Wessex doing Ms Dynamite, not the rapper, but his girlfriend of the same surname, up the arse. They just stared at us and carried on. It was a bit weird so we left. We think they're the ones who made the call."

"On the third occasion, we got a call for domestic violence. We turned up to see them smacking the shit out of each other. We let them finish then gave them a ticking off. It was fifty-fifty in my eyes."

Paranormal Investigator "Shoots Girlfriend Dead"

One of Stoke's leading paranormal investigators, Mick Wessex, has been arrested over the fatal shooting of his girlfriend Sharon Dynamite.

Staffordshire Police would not confirm that it was Wessex who has been charged with the murder, but did confirm that it was a "man short on stature from the paranormal world" who they have arrested.

Mick Wessex, pre-murder

The details of the shooting are unclear, but initial reports suggest Mr Wessex may have mistaken his girlfriend for a ghost and tried to shoot it.

The suspect is due to appear at Fenton Magistrates Court next week where he will have a chance to "call bullshit" on the allegations and apply for bail.

Wearing A Hat Made Of Tin Foil Protects You From Alien Mind Control

A leading Stoke professor claims to have made a breakthrough in the fight against alien mind control.

Professor Mick Nagg says that wearing a foil hat that he has designed is guaranteed to keep you safe from brain molestation.

"All I will say is that I haven't been subjected to thought control once since I started wearing this hat," says the Professor. "The proof's in the pudding and the pudding is on my head."

You can buy a tailored version of the hat from Professor Nagg's own website for just £500.

UFO Seen Near To RAF Trentham

Air Force pilot Peg Klemp was flying her standard issue jet pack on Friday night near to RAF Trentham when she encountered a UFO flying towards her.

The UFO came down to land and Peg flew onto the roof of the ship. She then tried to kick the windows in and break off the wing mirrors.

The UFO then took off and flew away, leading Peg to fall to the ground and break all her toes. The jet pack exploded on impact and is now partially infused to her spine, leaving her with a hump.

Crystal O’Future Hits Back At Critics

At a live show at Vale Park last night, Crystal O'Future spent a good proportion of her time onstage attacking her critics, to wild celebrations from the sell-out crowd.

Crystal told her fans that she would never turn her back on her calling as a medium and entrepreneur, and said that spirits would hurt her if she ignored them.

Crystal, described on her website as "Europe's most beloved medium", and a known confidante of Noddy Holder, has been caught up in controversy recently after a local crazy woman questioned her psychic powers.

"This earpiece," Crystal announced to the crowd, while pointing to it, "Is so that I can keep in touch with the Vale," she said, to rapturous applause from the crowd. "It is definitely not used to get information, no way. Anyone who says that can fuck right off."

"There are certain crazy slags out there who feel the need to shit all over my good name," added Crystal. "I shall hunt down and wreak a terrible vengeance on these pygmies."

Crystal O’Future Scandal

The paranormal world is in a tizz after it was claimed that famous psychic Crystal O'Future may have been fed information by an assistant during a live show in the convention stadium at the Fegg Hayes Hilton.

The claims, by local dancer Carole Egger, were made on Signal Gold's drivetime show yesterday. Ms Egger said that she was sitting at the back of the auditorium and could hear a "camp" man's voice coming from a small room (with an open window) behind her. She claims that what the man said, Crystal then repeated on stage 10 or 15 seconds later. She also claims that several other people heard the voice and turned around to look, before the window was then closed and the voice was not heard again.

Barry Pythagorus, manager of the Fegg Hayes Hilton, claims that the voices heard by Ms Egger were those of spirits from the other side and that maybe she has medium abilities herself. "The only people supplying Crystal with information are the ghosts of dead people, and occasionally animals."

Ms Egger, who is married but insists on being called "Ms", still believes in psychic powers but has said she feels "totes let down" by the experience and will think long and hard about paying £50 to see the psychic ever again.

Crystal O'Future, and her holding company Crystal Corp. Inc. Ltd, have so far refused to comment.