When Bert Bostick, 66, and his fuck-muffin Beryl Reid, 31, contacted David Munphy on MumsNet and invited him to spend the weekend at their secluded cottage in Norton, little did they know it would end in court proceedings.
Munphy arrived on a Thursday evening and Fenton Magistrates Court heard that the drug-fuelled weekend had "gone well" until the early hours of Saturday morning, when he refused to have his photograph taken on a mobile phone.
Bostick then sprayed Munphy in the face with Bigfoot Wild Max Attack Spray and Mr Munphy fled the house leaving his belongings behind. A kerb crawler found him running down the road and police were called to the cottage. Bostick and Reid were later arrested.
Judge Terry Hatepunch heard that the couple admitted assaulting Mr Munphy on 21 April earlier this year. Wayne Biggins, prosecuting, said the visitor was urinating in a hot tub while drinking a can of deliciously smooth but strong Tennent's Extra, when Bostick pointed his mobile phone at Mr Munphy's backside and said: "Smile for the camera."
Mr Biggins added: "After Mr Munphy got a benny on about it, Mr Bostick then said to him, 'Did you think you can come here all weekend, jizz all over my wife, and nothing would happen, you stupid fucktard?'"
Bostick and Reid admitted assaulting Mr Munphy by threatening to stab him with an icicle "so there's no evidence" and discharging the Bigfoot repellent in his face. Barclay also admitted unlawful possession of illegal icicles worth up to £7,500.
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