Thursday 23 August 2012

Plan To Reanimate Reginald Mitchell Discovered

It has been revealed by city council officials that there were plans to reanimate legendary spitfire designer Reginald Mitchell to design new war planes for Stoke's bid for independence from the UK in 1974.

Mitchell was a proud Stokie, and city council officials thought that he would have had no objection to Stoke's independence if he had still been alive.

Reginald Mitchell

When Stoke's plans for independence were revealed, trained physician Hub Parsley was hired by the city council after he suggested a novel method for resurrecting Mitchell. Parsley told Mitchell's son Gordon that he wanted to dig up Mitchell's body with tractors and have it rubbed vigorously with blankets. Then he planned to perform a tracheotomy so he could insert a bellows into Mitchell's throat and pump his lungs full of air, and then to give Mitchell an infusion of lamb's blood. Finally, he would perform a special Voodoo dance which would hopefully bring Mitchell back to life.

Friends and family declined Parsley's mad scientist offer, not because they thought his solution impossible, but because they felt that Mitchell should rest in peace and only be resurrected if his old foes the Nazis made a comeback.

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