Ovulating Women Are "Better At Spotting Ghosts"

Professor Chip Ironside of Staffordshire University has tested 50 healthy women of child-bearing age at three different phases of their cycle to check their ability to see ghosts!

The women were simultaneously shown ten pictures, one of which was a ghost among   a pile of oatcakes while the others were only of oatcakes. The volunteers were tested on how quickly they spotted the spirit.

Watch out for ghosts!

The fastest women were those who were in the stage that immediately follows ovulation. The study strengthens theories that we have a "fear reflex", an innate response to threat signals such as ghosts trying to steal our oatcakes.

Among women in Stoke, the reflex seems to be influenced by hormone levels at a stage when they could be pregnant and thus be more protective towards their foetus or their oatcakes, the study suggests.

The paper was published on Thursday in Stoke's science journal 'Scientific Stoke'.

Ghost Evicted From Home After 5 Year Legal Battle

188-year-old ghost Joan de Souza has lost a five-year battle to save her home of 146 years from the bulldozers.

The former witchfinder's assistant had held down five part-time cleaning jobs to help raise the £1 needed to buy her family's Shelton home in 1866. But Stoke City Council moved in yesterday to board up the property after using an exorcist to force the spirit to move on or face destruction.

Now Joan, who is currently haunting a residential home, says she has nowhere to live after becoming the last resident to leave Wood Terrace. The homes have been condemned after tests revealed they aren't "cool enough" for modern living.

A typical street in Shelton

Joan, whose husband of 37 years died in 1881, said to a medium: "My home should not be taken away. I loved living there and didn't want to leave. The process has made me ill. I am quite literally as pale as a ghost."

Great granddaughter Helen Hunt said: "My Great grandmother is a feisty old ghost and materialised at regeneration meetings to tell the council she would not leave. Shelton is her home."

Family friend and neighbour Marvin Hagler said: "Joan fought hard to keep that house. She didn't want to leave Shelton because this is where she belongs and haunting and possessing people mean the world to her."

Councillor Richard Cliff, cabinet member for housing and destruction, said: "We appreciate that leaving a property can be a distressing. But if she doesn't stay away from the area, then mark my words, we will exorcise her. And you can quote me on that."

Robbie Williams: I Believe!

Pop star Robbie Williams is one of the most famous people from Stoke, probably second only to his mentor Jonathan Wilkes. What not everyone knows about Williams is that he is a big believer in UFOs and claims to have seen some himself!

You can read Jon Ronson's piece for The Guardian newspaper about "Our Robbie" and UFOs here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2008/apr/19/popandrock.spaceexploration

Was Missing Film Critic Kidnapped By Aliens?

In case you don't know, Stoke's number one film critic, David Murray, is missing. It is now over a week since he was last seen, at Quasar at Festival Park in Etruria.

http://eyeonstoke.blogspot.com/2012/03/local-film-critic-goes-missing.html

The angry mob looking for him resumed its search today, after taking yesterday off because of the bad weather.

http://eyeonstoke.blogspot.com/2012/03/charity-single-recorded-for-missing.html

Reader Tim Beggar of Fegg Hayes was dogging on Goldenhill Golf Course last Thursday night and claims he saw a UFO in the area. "I was hanging around by some car, watching a couple do it on the back seat," explains Tim. "I was next in line. Some craft with bright lights goes overhead, I don't pay much attention to it, 'cus you get loads of rich folk in that area flying their helicopters about. Anyway, after a while, I think, 'Bleedin' hell, this helicopter's low,' and I look up and it's only a bleedin' UFO, innit. I think the dirty rotters were hangin' about watching the dogging action, if you ask me. Oh yeah, and they could've kidnapped that film critic you're lookin' for."

The 17th green at Goldenhill Golf Club

So could he have been taken by aliens? No-one could say for certain, but I would say for certain that is probable that the likelihood is that he may have been taken. Perhaps he is being anally probed as you read this, shudder the thought. Whatever happens, he remains in our thoughts. May the aliens have mercy on his soul.

Supernatural Fog Envelopes Stoke?

Stokies across the city woke up to a shock this morning: Stoke was covered in thick fog! Worse, it seems that the fog might even be of paranormal origins!

Reports have come in from across the city of strange happenings in the fog. Six people from Chell Heath have been reported dead when fog caused electrical problems with mobility scooters which lead to a pile-up on Chumps Road.

Nearly half the adult population of Brindley Ford phoned in sick for their JobCentre appointments this morning.

Residents of Cobridge are reported to have been plagued by nosebleeds, sore throats and strange needle marks on their arms.

Lake Burslem in the fog

One of our readers, calling herself Howard Donald, e-mailed her own encounter with the fog: "I was leaving my road in Tunstall at around 8am to drive to the local shop to get some fags and booze. I had just pulled out of the estate and there was a thick fog rolling in. I drove quickly to try to beat the fog when I saw a very bright light ahead. As I drove closer, I saw a kebab shop. I pulled in to grab a quick kebab and I asked staff how a new kebab shop could have been built in Tunstall so fast and he looked at me strangely. He then said in a strange accent that it had been there for two years. I asked him where I was and when he told me I began to shake uncontrollaby. I was in Liverpool! I fucking hate Scousers!"

Billie Fink

On 25 August 2007, 15 year old Billie Fink from Cobridge claims she was abducted by aliens, who then forced her to drink beer, smoke cigarettes and have sex with them. After returning home at 3am with no memory of the abduction and subsequent events, her mother took her to see a magician (Magic Hans) who hypnotises people as part of his act. Here is a part of the transcript of that session.

Billie: They've brung me some beer. They want me to drink it and smoke some ciggies. I do it but I tell 'em I'm not a slag.

MH: How long does this go on for?

Billie: We do it for an hour or two, I'm no lightweight, anyone who tells you that is a major mong. One alien is flying the spaceship around really fastly and has loud hip hop on his stereo. At one point a space-police spaceship followed us but we lost it.

MH: Then what happens?

Billie: One of the aliens in the back seat starts groping me off while the other starts snogging me. Then they unzip their trousers and tell me to suck 'em off.

Billie went on to describe the aliens and her getting up to all sorts of sexual activities. The magicians assistant present at the time of the hypnosis says that Billie "smelled of fags and booze". Billie says this proves her story is real.

Bigfoot, Dave, Barry And Stephen Milligan MP

Dave Bourne and his stepson Barry Biggins were camping near to the Knypersley Reservoir, near to Fegg Hayes (in northernmost Stoke!). It was 07 February 1994, the same day that Conservative politician Stephen Milligan was to die from autoerotic asphyxiation. It would be days before Dave and Barry would learn that Milligan had died wearing stockings and suspenders, a piece of chord tied to his neck from his ankles, a plastic bag over his head and an orange segment stuffed in his mouth, and perhaps more importantly, days before the world would learn of Dave and Barry's heart-warming story.

Stephen Milligan MP, who literally
wanked himself to death in 1994

They arrived at the campsite on a crisp morning, the frost dancing in the air like a sex-starved voodoo priestess. They decided to visit the waterfalls at the southern end of the reservoir to look for nearby mountain lions with their binoculars. Barry was watching a lost, drunken tramp about half-a-mile away, just above the lake, when he stopped.

Dave explained to Barry that they were looking at four Bigfoot who appeared to be playing a game similar to British Bulldog. This was unusual as Bigfoot is not normally found in this area, they are normally to be seen in Central Stoke. This is normally Yeti area.

While they were watching, two of the creatures walked to some rocks and sat down, as if to have a rest. Barry noticed that, judging by the way it limped, one of them appeared to have a bad leg. "That's because British Bulldog is a very rough game," said Dave. A passing party of prison guards and sex offenders had also stopped to watch the creatures playing. The game continued for another ten minutes before the Bigfoot finally left the clearing. Dave and Barry checked the area again over the course of the next few days but never saw the creatures again.

Meanwhile, the twelve sex offenders had used the distraction of the Bigfoot to escape from the guards. To this day, four of the men have yet to be recaptured. They are described as being "very sexual and very dangerous".

Stoke Cult Gets Academy Status

Hanford-based cult The Children of Gaia has learned today that it has gained academy status, the first cult in Stoke to do so.

It’s a big relief for followers of the cult, as most recently they had to start a 'Save Our Cult' campaign as it was under threat of closure due to a large tax bill.

The cult received a letter this morning from Michael Gove's Department of Education approving the application put in by the cult's  governing council over the summer holidays.

Michael Gove, yesterday

Mistress Coitus, cult leader,  said: "We will now stay open. It's very good news for everybody. We told our followers this morning and we're sending a letter out to people in the local community and our enemies on the morrow."

The conversion can take place any time in the next four to six months ready for the new school year in September.

"Lot of hard work begins today," Mistress Coitus continued, "We need to research and evaluate which is the best way forward now – do we become self-governing or join an existing academy group like the NEAB? The curriculum itself will be based on Gaia's teaching, but all are welcome to attend. The day-to-day won't change – it will be the same cult, beliefs and worship. There's a possibility of a new uniform. I'm into black leather right now."

As the Children of Gaia has achieved academy status, its tax debt will now be written off.

Why Stokies Point At Planes

Reader Doris Ahmed has e-mailed the following link from trendy liberal newspaper The Guardian's website which contains the quote: "With Stoke being one of those places where locals still point at airplanes and wave at moving trains..."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/dec/22/football-fiver-christmas-awards

Well Mr and Mrs Guardian writers, maybe people in Stoke point at the sky because of the high concentration of UFO activity in the skies over Stoke, did you think about that?

To be fair, people in Stoke do still wave at moving trains. I can't explain why that happens.

Fenton

Fenton is located just south of the city centre (Hanley and Stoke-upon-Trent).

Fenton, from the Chinese 'feng tun', means bitch slap.

Fenton was one of the original "seven towns" that joined together to form Stoke-on-Trent in 1910 (along with Burslem, Fegg Hayes, Hanley, Longton, Stoke-upon-Trent and Tunstall).

Fenton has been called "the place Longton wishes it was".

During WWI, Fenton declared itself a tax haven hoping to attract rich war-evaders.

Fenton is named after former footballer Graham Fenton who once had a successful loan spell with Stoke City FC.

Fenton is home to Fenton Magistrates Court. Local judges are notoriously strict, often handing out sentences such as "hard labour", chain gangs and 100+ years sentences.

Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

For more on Fenton, click here:

http://stokeparanormalsociety.blogspot.com/search/label/Fenton