A possible mermaid corpse has been found in a swimming pool in Goms Mill, near to Longton.
The topless corpse, which may or may not have been assaulted then partially barbecued, is the property of 57 year old moustache magnate Mark Willey. Mr Willey refuses to let the mermaid out of his sight to be examined but claims it's the real deal.
"It's mine, I own it, if I want to let you in to play with it I will," says Mr Willey. "And if I tell you to fuck off and get back to your own end, you will fuck off and get back to your own end, capiche?"
Mr Willey has so far refused to comment on how the mermaid ended up dead in his swimming pool, or about the simultaneous and "unrelated" disappearance of his wife.
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