RAF Trentham In UFO Gagging order

A senior military officer in Stoke has stepped into a growing row over a "gagging" order which restricts members of the armed forces from talking about UFOs with members of the public without the express permission of a government minister or a high profile right wing celebrity (such as Jeremy Clarkson), who has permission to speak on the government’s behalf.

The chief of RAF Trentham, General Barry Booth, insisted the advice was necessary, and was for reasons for national security. "This is in now way being done to cover up any secretive UFO programmes," he said. "Honest."

A UFO over Trentham

But local councillors, conspiracy theorists and UFO enthusiasts, including Paul Brown, general manager of both The Paul Brown Conspiracy Cabal and The Paul Brown UFO Club, say the RAF is trying to hide THE TRUTH. "Conspiracy theorists rely on being able to talk to people who claim to be in the military," says Brown. "We rely on these secretive people to tell us what is going on. I think these kinds of restrictions make the RAF look like a bunch of fucktarded cockpigs."

Local medium Crystal O’Future added: "This is an unwelcome change which will affect paranormal investigations of all kinds. No single government owns the RAF, it belongs to the people of this country. I didn’t die in two World Wars so the government could shit on my face like this. This seems like some sort of conspiracy. By the way, I’m talking about my past lives, just in case you’re wondering how I could have died twice before and still be alive."

In a statement to the Stoke Paranormal Society, General Booth said: "It is very important for RAF Trentham to maintain good relationships with UFO fans and conspiracy theorists, as they make up a good proportion of our local core fanbase. Along with idiot women with no imagination who like 'men in uniforms'. However, as is the case for any organisation, we are required to act in accordance with certain rules and to ensure we remain within established security guidelines. As such, the weekly Saturday night UFO theme parties we hold on our base will no longer be open to members of the public."