Stoke Parents Win "Bursie" Name Case

A court in Fenton on Thursday rejected a prosecutors' request for a couple to be barred from naming their son "Bursie".

Prosecutors had brought Dave and Chantelle Dumptruck to court under a Stoke law that prevents parents from giving names that would be "contrary to the interests of a child".


"Bursie", yesterday

The parents, both fans of the Lake Burslem Monster ("Bursie"), had chosen to name their son, born on 14 July, after the monster. They said they simply liked the sound of the name and denied it had any monstrous connotation.

The same law had previously been used in 1999 to try to prevent parents Jon and Sharon Gash from naming their daughter "Megson", with prosecutors saying the name sounded too much like that of ridiculous football manager Gary Megson.

An appeals court in 2000 allowed the girl to keep her name.

Psychic Scholarship For Student

Staffordshire University student Vladimir Holdcroft has been awarded a grant of £6,000 by the Crystal O'Future foundation to study psychic phenomena.

Vladimir, currently awaiting the result of his BA (Hons) Accounting and Business degree course, hopes to get a PhD Research Degree for his study.

Crystal O'Future

"Vlad has got the potential to all the way in this game," said Crystal O'Future at a celebratory luncheon at ST1 in Hanley. "He's got the chops to make it big."

"I've been a fan of Crystal for years," added Mr Holdcroft. "I have a poster of her on the ceiling above my bed. Not in a weird way."

Albino Bigfoot Spotted In 1974

In the summer of 1974, a 14 year old boy (Dave Dumper) was fishing for tadpoles to eat on a small creek in Central Forest Park when he looked up and noticed a Bigfoot throwing badger eggs at him from the opposite bank, approximately 20 feet away. The creature was over 8 feet tall, with white hair, a pot belly and a pink complexion. Its nose was wide and pink and it had "teeth like bastards". This was a rare albino Bigfoot.


Dave Dumper

Dave threw his knife at the Bigfoot before scrambling onto the motorbike he had stolen earlier that day and rode away, laying a buzzin' wheel spin and popping a phat wheelie as he left.

The Bigfoot, angered by this, chased Dave for a while but tripped over a local homeless drunk passed out on the floor. The boy wanted to retrieve his belongings but was too scared to go back alone.

Eventually he managed to persuade his step-father, a local drug dealer who initially didn't believe his story, to go with him. They returned to the area and found the creature's footprints, which they immediately destroyed any trace of in a show of strength to the Bigfoot, should he choose to return to the area.

Stoke Paranomal Society Wins Shitloads Of Awards

Stoke Paranormal Society has taken home five of the top honours at the Stoke Online Paranormal Media Awards, which seek to recognise the best online paranormal news and journalism. Winners were announced last night at a ceremony held at the Britannia Stadium in front of a full house of thousands of screaming paranormal fans.

We won:

- Website of the Year

- Best Paranormal News Site

- Best Technical Innovation: for putting links to other sites on the blog

- Best Twitter Feed: Monty Deschanel

- Best Use of Social Media: for the coverage of January's siege in Shelton

The after-show party

This blog, which was named Website of the Year, was highly praised by the 20 strong judging panel with judges saying that it was "the first and the best" and that it "set the pace early on and continues to dominate the paranormal investigation field in Stoke."

Monty Deschanel's Twitter feed (@MontyDeschanel) was described as "journalism through the medium of Twitter at its best".

Dave Munton, the founder of the awards, said: "I'm delighted to see the Stoke Paranormal Society getting the recognition it deserves, as it has been a pioneer for online news over the past year and continues to strike the right balance between news, features and paranormal coverage."

The event, which attracted entries from some of Stoke's leading paranormal websites, including PPI and Stoke-Paranormal, both of whom went home empty handed, was sponsored by Munton's Pikelets.

Man Survives 3500m Fall

PI (Paranormal Investigator) Mick Wessex says he would consider free-falling again for money, despite nearly dying in his 14 July plunge to earth from 3500m above Stockton Brook.

"It was a million-to-one chance," he told the Sunday Oatcake newspaper. "It could easily happen again, I reckon. I'll continue making my living as a paranormal investigator and I'll still supplement that by taking on 'crazy' bets like this one."

Mr Wessex survived because he landed on a prostitute, breaking his fall and her neck, severing her spinal cord and starving her brain of oxygen. She died almost immediately. "I bet she quite literally didn't know what had hit her," laughed Mr Wessex, who will not be charged with her murder.

Mick Wessex

Photographs from the incident have been posted on several websites, and Mr Wessex is reported to have been offered more than £43,000 for TV rights to the video (by TV show 'Rude Tube') of the moment when he tugged the ripcord and discovered his parachute would not open. "It will be hilarious," commented 'Rude Tube' presenter Alex Zane. "The look on a man's face as he thinks his own death is imminent... Priceless."

Mick will not be entitled to any of the money however as he's a convicted felon currently doing community service.

Mr Wessex's friend Jonathan King, not the paedo, someone else with the same name who jumped from the same plane, also filmed the fall, and as he landed a few seconds later, his helmet camera showed Mr Holmes bleeding, broken and unconscious - but alive with only a punctured lung and a broken ankle.

Mr Wessex has been in University Hospital of North Staffordshire since the accident. He hopes to resume his paranormal investigations in August. Due to his past benefit frauds, he is unable to claim any benefits this time around and must pay for his hospital treatment.

Sham Solutions Ltd

Businesses across Stoke are being warned to watch out for a sham company posting invoices and demanding payment for non-existent work.

The scheme was first discovered in Stoke-upon-Trent where 72 complaints relating to a company called Sham Solutions Ltd have been lodged within three days. Now a business in Chell has also been approached by Sham Solutions Ltd asking for payment for an exorcism.

The company is also sending out deliberately misleading invoices implying that advertising on a web-based directory - www.britishtitties.co.uk - has been ordered, and seeking payment of £269.69.

Child services councillor Sharon Tuft

BNP councillor Sharon Tuft, cabinet member for child services, housing and squatting, said: "There are multiple versions of this scam known to be operating at the moment, many appearing to be based in Eastern Europe. We know what that lot over there are like, so you know not to trust them."

You should contact Stoke City Council to report anything by e-mailing enquiries@stoke.gov.uk. Your e-mail subject should read "I'VE BEEN SCAMMED", all in capitals.

Council Crack Down

A fight club owner has been ordered to take down a tissue paper Sneyd Green Steve display from her shop window – because it breaches trademark rules!

Trading standards officers have warned Lisa Clungeblaster that she faces being sued by Stoke City Council for the unauthorised window display of the famous local swamp monster after the city council registered his name and likeness as a trademark. Lisa's Fists of Fury Club, on Town Road in Hanley, is the only business so far to receive a warning. Lisa, who runs the shop with business partner, and former enemy, Tony Fister, said: "The trading standards officers said they really loved the display, but told us we'd have to take it down or we could be sued by the fuckmunchers at the city council. They said I'd have to take it down by Wednesday or they'd chuck bricks through the window. We've only been running the shop for 15 months, and I don't want to do anything to put it at risk."

Sneyd Green Steve, as featured
in the TV show 'American Dad!'

Lisa, aged 33, of 27 Moorland Road, Burslem, added: "People have come into the shop and told me the display looks absolutely 'mint'. One woman came in and picked up some swamp ooze, which is part of the display, and asked if she could buy it. I had to tell her to fuck right off. I had no idea I was breaking any rules. I just wanted to support Sneyd Green Steve."

Partner Tony is refusing to give in on the issue. He said: "We're not going to take the display down. If they want, we'll take this to court, or the Jeremy Kyle show if necessary. We've done cock-all wrong."

Trading standards spokesman Dave Hell today refused to comment on the issue, but added: "Wherever trading standards officers see unauthorised use of Sneyd Green Steve or registered trademarks, we will take the time to explain to the business owner why they cannot do that. If they then refuse to follow our advice, we will begin a campaign of intimidation, bullying and malicious rumour-mongering until they do what we say."

More Vampire Bones Found In Stoke?

Amateur ramraiders in Boslem [Burslem] are the latest to show that a widespread belief in vampires really existed in Stoke.

Port Vale FC (nicknamed: "the Scamps") revealed today that the skeleton of a man subjected to a ritual to stop him from turning into a vampire has been uncovered, like the one discovered recently in Tunny [Tunstall].

http://stokeparanormalsociety.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/vampire-corpse-found-in-tunstall.html

The remains are from the third grave unearthed in Burslem linked to the practice, "Scamps" mascot Boomer The Dog confirmed at a press conference.

"The skeleton was tied to the ground with ladies stockings, while burning badgers were placed on top of his grave," Boomer said. "The man may or may not have been a vampire but was subjected to this superstition-driven ritual to prevent him from becoming one after his death."

The bones of the man have yet to be dated but are believed to be somewhere between 1 day and several centuries old.

The bones were found during a ramraid at Burslem Cemetery on Hanley Road, where bodysnatchers had previously unearthed another skeleton with tied hands and subjected to similar rites a few years ago.

Vampire tales and superstitions are widespread across the towns of northern Stoke. Cobridge Tourist Board's Dave Murray, voted the company's "rising star of 2007", said there could be 1000s of such "vampire corpses" in northern Stoke.

"They illustrate a practice which was common in places like Boslem and Tunny right up until the 1960s," he told me recently at a hog roast at Dimensions Leisure Centre. "They reckon that some remote tribes up in the mountains near Fegg Hayes and Brindley Ford still do it," he added.

Wessex vs Wessex

The father of paranormal investigator Mick Wessex has criticised his son's tax dodging and revealed how his successful son has disowned him and never repaid the money he spent funding him before he was famous.

Retired daredevil Cob Wessex has also revealed that the hostility between the two of them runs so deep that he was even banned from seeing his son performing on stage in his work as a male stripper.


Cob Wessex

"Amid the piles of 'alternative interest' magazines on my desk at home I have a copy of a note that I wrote to my son, Big Mick, in 2002," says Mr Wessex Sr. "As my son's fame and wealth were on an upward curve, although his height was still on a level curve, I urged him to ensure he got tax advice that was as tight as a virgin's twat, rather than from one of his mates down the pub who says that they 'reckon' to know what the best course of action is. In particular, I warned him to stay away from sleazy advisers and their schemes."

Alas, it appears that Mick did not take his father's advice to heart. "This week, I have watched with great sadness as my much-loved seventh oldest son was forced to issue a humiliating public apology because of his dodgy tax dealings," added Cob.

"Mick cut me out of his life many years ago. It was sudden and brutal, like when you pull a fish out of water and smash its head against a statue of Princess Diana, who, in my opinion, is the legitimate Queen of England, even in death," sobbed Cob. "To this day, Mick still hasn't given me an explanation, though I suspect that his wife leaving him for me may have had something to do with it."

Paranormal Investigator Used Tax Avoidance Scheme

Paranormal investigator Mick Wessex says he has "made a terrible error of judgement" after it was discovered he has been using a tax avoidance scheme.

In a statement on his Twitter account (@BigMick69), Mr Wessex said he was no longer involved in the Derbyshire-based tax schemes, which are said to be sheltering £168m a year from Stoke City Council.

Local councillor Tim Diesel on Wednesday called Mr Wessex "a fucktarded spunk mop" and his use of the scheme "as wrong as a rapist". But councillors refused to comment on Jonathan Wilkes's tax affairs - saying he's "different" and "a legend".

Mick Wessex

On Twitter, Mr Wessex said: "I met with a financial advisor and he said to me: 'Do you want to pay less tax? It's totally legal'. I said 'Yes'. He then said: 'Do you want to keep that pen?' Again, I said 'Yes'. I now realise I've made a terrible error of judgement."

Stoke City Council says it wants to put an end to tax avoidance schemes. Next year it plans to bring in a new anti-abuse rule, to stop "cunning stunts" designed solely to avoid tax.

Wessex finished by saying: "I'm no longer involved in it and I no longer accept free pens. Apologies to everyone. Big Mick."

The Trentham Lines

The Trentham Lines are a series of ancient geoglyphs (designs in the ground) located in Trentham Valley, at the heart of the Trentham Desert, south of Stoke. "Trentham lines" is also a local slang phrase for cocaine.

They were designated as a 'Site of World Heritage' by Stoke City Council in 1993. Local scholars believe the lines were created by ancient Stokies between 400 and 650 AD. Many of the geoglyphs are just lines but there are also designs of monkeys, dogs and topless women.

Due to the dry, windless, and stable climate of the Trentham Desert, the lines have for the most part been preserved. Extremely rare changes in weather may temporarily alter the general designs.

A monkey design, located in the
west side of Trentham Valley

There are many different theories as to the purpose of the geoglyphs, including fertility, water-summoning, religious symbolism and alien involvement.

In a forthcoming book, local author Dave Munton suggests the Trentham Lines represent higher technological knowledge than existed when the glyphs were created. Munton asserts that the lines are runways of an ancient UFO airfield that was used by extraterrestrials. These aliens were mistaken by Stoke natives to be their gods.