Dinosaur Bones Found At KFC

Staff at KFC in Hanley got a shock this week when a member of the public returned his order because it contained dinosaur bones!

Ian Yikes had ordered a KFC 'Bone Bucket' to tuck into a tasty meal, only to find that he had been served some bigger bones than normal.

"Normally, the KFC Bone Bucket only contains chicken bones, we don't know how dinosaur bones got in there," branch manager Tony Tots said. "Nor will we be investigating."

Mr Yikes first had suspicions when he got his bucket at the counter. "The bones are typically around 2-3 inches in length," the 48-year-old badger whisperer said. "These were about 24 inches in length, at least. I was wary, but concluded it was my lucky day. That was until I started to piece the bones together to find that they constructed a fully grown velociraptor."

Experts have declared that piecing dinosaur bones back together will not bring them back to life.

Possessed Photocopier Abuses People

Office workers in Hanley have complained about a photocopier in their workplace that has come alive and started to abuse staff.

Workers at Barry & Company first became aware of the problem when office tea lady Jenny Kump tried to photocopy her arse, only to be told: "Get that fat arse off me you filthy slag."

"It got to the point that every time we went near to the machine, it started to abuse people," office admin manager Greg Chapters said. "We had to send it back. I love 'top bantz' as much as the next man, but this was too much."

"The abuse was getting pretty bad," confirmed grunt worker Mick Yip. "It had gone too far for most. Though it was still the best copier in the office, so I've kind of got mixed feelings. The replacement copier is shit, though it isn't alive and doesn't call me a 'cock munching shit sock'."

"This kind of thing does happen occasionally," office supplier Hammers Ltd spokesman Ted Spiders said. "It's not that big of a deal."

Dragon Ball Stoke

A new think piece by experts at Staffordshire University has said that dragons may have lived in Stoke as recently as the 1970s when they were probably displaced by council estates.

"We've found lots of evidence of burned stuff all over Stoke," Professor Burt Daydream wrote. "We recently discovered a burned out Ford Cortina with a dead body in it in some woods in Fegg Hayes. It has been there for quite some time. We believe a dragon did this. There was also a strong smell of piss in the area. Again, we believe a dragon was responsible, maybe the same one."