What Would Crouchy Do?

Stoke mistress Cadge Foxhunt has claimed to have had a visit from religious veteran Jesus Christ.

"It was awesome, like something from a pop music video," says Cadge, 40. "Jesus put his strong, hairy arm around me and told me how sexy I was. It really made my day."

And who does a wise man like Jesus look to for guidance?

"He wore a wristband that said 'What Would Crouchy Do?' on it," says Cadge. "It's really opened my eyes and I went out and bought a Stoke City season ticket, which are still on sale now for a great price. Premier League football at Championship prices. Diamond."