Satan Worshippers In Longton

Reader Fenchurch Goggles has e-mailed in using the pseudonym "Monkey D. Luffy" to warn of Satan worshippers on Rape Road in South Longton.

"Don't use my real name, but my neighbours Gill and Fred have recently turned to the dark side. My pet goats are worried - Monkey D. Luffy," read Mr Goggles's e-mail.

Fenchurch has been trying to raise an angry mob to attack the house, so far without success. If you would like to join the mob, leave a comment below with your name and phone number.

What Would Crouchy Do?

Stoke mistress Cadge Foxhunt has claimed to have had a visit from religious veteran Jesus Christ.

"It was awesome, like something from a pop music video," says Cadge, 40. "Jesus put his strong, hairy arm around me and told me how sexy I was. It really made my day."

And who does a wise man like Jesus look to for guidance?

"He wore a wristband that said 'What Would Crouchy Do?' on it," says Cadge. "It's really opened my eyes and I went out and bought a Stoke City season ticket, which are still on sale now for a great price. Premier League football at Championship prices. Diamond."