Bigfoot, Dave, Barry And Stephen Milligan MP

Dave Bourne and his stepson Barry Biggins were camping near to the Knypersley Reservoir, near to Fegg Hayes (in northernmost Stoke!). It was 07 February 1994, the same day that Conservative politician Stephen Milligan was to die from autoerotic asphyxiation. It would be days before Dave and Barry would learn that Milligan had died wearing stockings and suspenders, a piece of chord tied to his neck from his ankles, a plastic bag over his head and an orange segment stuffed in his mouth, and perhaps more importantly, days before the world would learn of Dave and Barry's heart-warming story.

Stephen Milligan MP, who literally
wanked himself to death in 1994

They arrived at the campsite on a crisp morning, the frost dancing in the air like a sex-starved voodoo priestess. They decided to visit the waterfalls at the southern end of the reservoir to look for nearby mountain lions with their binoculars. Barry was watching a lost, drunken tramp about half-a-mile away, just above the lake, when he stopped.

Dave explained to Barry that they were looking at four Bigfoot who appeared to be playing a game similar to British Bulldog. This was unusual as Bigfoot is not normally found in this area, they are normally to be seen in Central Stoke. This is normally Yeti area.

While they were watching, two of the creatures walked to some rocks and sat down, as if to have a rest. Barry noticed that, judging by the way it limped, one of them appeared to have a bad leg. "That's because British Bulldog is a very rough game," said Dave. A passing party of prison guards and sex offenders had also stopped to watch the creatures playing. The game continued for another ten minutes before the Bigfoot finally left the clearing. Dave and Barry checked the area again over the course of the next few days but never saw the creatures again.

Meanwhile, the twelve sex offenders had used the distraction of the Bigfoot to escape from the guards. To this day, four of the men have yet to be recaptured. They are described as being "very sexual and very dangerous".