A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

Intro: The first of many sequels to the original, 'A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge' is not considered one of the best films in the series, but that doesn't mean it's not a classic of sorts...

1 min: No messing about, straight onto a bus full of teenagers. Hopefully, most of these will die.

3 min: Uh-oh, the bus driver has gone mental and taken the bus off road into the desert! Guess who the driver is?

6 min: Freddy has got 2 girls and 1 boy cornered at the back of the bus, but just as he's about to kill them... the boy [Jesse] wakes up in bed, covered in sweat. He's a real "sweater", it seems.

8 min: Jesse is with his family for breakfast. His little sister gets a toy in the cereal box... it's a packet of plastic-Freddy-knife-fingers! Never got anything like that in cereals when I was young.

9 min: Playing baseball in school, Jesse is hit on the head with the ball when he isn't looking. He then gets his trousers pulled down by rival/friend Grady and we get to see his arse.

10 min: Jesse and Grady start grappling on the floor, all while Jesse's arse is still hanging out. Coach Schneider breaks it up then tells them to "assume the position". We then see Coach Schneider in his office, smoking, while watching the boys doing push-ups.

L-R: Jesse, Grady

11 min: Grady tells Jesse that Coach Schneider "hangs around a few S&M joints down town... he likes pretty boys like you."

15 min: Jesse gets up at night, wanders around and sees Freddy in the basement putting stuff in a furnace. Freddy grabs Jesse and says: "You've got the body and I've got the brains." Freddy then pulls the top of his head off (thus showing his brain) just to prove his point. Jesse then wakes up in bed, covered in sweat. Again.

17 min: Jesse falls asleep in class. A snake then wraps itself around him. Phallic imagery or pointless attempt at a scare? No idea.

18 min: Jesse's "girlfriend" Lisa is in the pool at her house. Her mum shouts to her: "There's a Jesse on the phone."

Lisa

19 min: Jesse is cleaning his bedroom. He puts a disco-pop song on the stereo and dances around holding something wooden between his legs (yes, really). His mum and Lisa walk in.

20 min: Lisa helps Jesse clean his room. She asks him where 'jock itch' spray goes, then asks: "Do sweaters go in the closet?" In the closet is a board game called 'Probe'.

23 min: Jesse is in bed again. And sweating. Again. He gets up and sees Freddy's glove. Freddy says: "Go ahead Jesse, try it on for size."

27 min: Jesse and Grady are topless in the school changing room, talking about Coach Schneider. "Schneider has always got a stick up his ass," says Jesse, as Coach Schneider appears behind them.

28 min: Jesse and his family are in the lounge, when a budgie escapes its cage, flies around terrorising them before spontaneously combusting. Yes, you read that right.

31 min: Jesse wakes up at night, and goes out for a walk in the rain with his (open) pyjama top on, ending up at a club called 'Don's Place'. Inside are people dressed in leather and rubber, and cross-dressed men. Coach Schneider is there (in a leather vest) and grabs Jesse.

32 min: Jesse is doing laps of the gym as punishment, before Coach Schneider tells him to hit the shower. As Jesse showers, (an invisible) Freddy drags Coach to the showers, ties him up, rips off his leathers, and smacks his naked arse red raw with towels. Freddy then appears and slashes him up... no wait, it then cuts to Jesse standing there wearing Freddy's glove!

39 min: Jesse is in bed, sweating again. He opens a drawer to see Freddy's glove moving of its own accord. He goes to his sister's room where she is skipping and singing the "One, two, Freddy's coming for you" song. They shoehorn it into all the films in the series.

41 min: In the kitchen the next morning, Jesse's toaster spontaneously combusts. Wasn't even plugged in.

43 min: Jesse and Lisa go to an abandoned mill, where Freddy used to work, and where he killed the twenty kids he kidnapped. Jesse sees a closet randomly located in the middle of the mill. Inside is a rat.

50 min: Jesse is getting it on with Lisa... he's licking her tits when a big Freddy tongue pops out of his mouth. He then runs off to Grady, who's in bed.

53 min: Jesse says to Grady: "Something is trying to get inside my body." Grady responds: "Yeah, she's female... and you wanna sleep with me."

55 min: In Grady's bedroom, Freddy climbs out of Jesse's body and kills Grady. Jesse is then standing there with Frddy's glove on, covered in blood. He looks in the mirror and sees Freddy as his reflection.

60 min: Jesse says: "Freddy is inside me and wants to take my body."

63 min: Jesse is turning into Freddy again. We know this because all the fish in a nearby tank all get fried, before the tank explodes. Freddy goes after Lisa and bites her on the leg.

65 min: Lisa tries to stab Freddy but he appears to be made of wool. Lisa tells Freddy/Jesse she loves him. Freddy gets confused, then runs around the pool party outside, killing random teenagers. This is more like it.

68 min: Lisa's dad tries to shoot Freddy with a big gun, but Lisa knocks the gun so he misses. She knows killing Freddy will also kill Jesse. Freddy scarpers and Lisa gets in her car and drives to the old mil...

70 min: There are now dogs at the entrance to the mill. But dogs with human faces.

71 min: Maggots are now crawling out the wound on Lisa's leg where Freddy bit her earlier.

72 min: A rat appears, but Freddy has turned into a bigger rat and jumps down and eats the smaller rat. No idea why that happened.

73 min: Freddy has got Lisa cornered! "Jesse, I know you're in there... I love you!" she says. Freddy starts bleeding.

75 min: Lisa kisses Freddy, and the pipes around them set on fire. Freddy burns! And melts!

77 min: The fire goes out and Jesse climbs out of Freddy's burnt body. He hugs Lisa.

78 min: Jesse gets on the school bus, like at the start of the film. "I can't believe it's actually all over," Jesse says, looking pleased with himself.

79 min: Freddy's hand bursts out of the chest of the girl behind Jesse and Lisa on the bus. The bus speeds off into the desert. Again. The end.

Summary: This is perhaps the most bizarrely camp/gay horror film ever made, and one of the funniest. It's kind of like the 'Top Gun' of horror, but better. Further films in the series make no reference back to this one, indicating that perhaps the producers thought after it came out that it wasn't much good, but for my money, this is probably the most entertaining 'Nightmare' film, if not for the right reasons. The spontaneously combusting budgie is the real highlight.

Rating: 1/5 (as a horror film), 5/5 (as a comedy)