Plan To Reanimate Reginald Mitchell Discovered

It has been revealed by city council officials that there were plans to reanimate legendary spitfire designer Reginald Mitchell to design new war planes for Stoke's bid for independence from the UK in 1974.

Mitchell was a proud Stokie, and city council officials thought that he would have had no objection to Stoke's independence if he had still been alive.

Reginald Mitchell

When Stoke's plans for independence were revealed, trained physician Hub Parsley was hired by the city council after he suggested a novel method for resurrecting Mitchell. Parsley told Mitchell's son Gordon that he wanted to dig up Mitchell's body with tractors and have it rubbed vigorously with blankets. Then he planned to perform a tracheotomy so he could insert a bellows into Mitchell's throat and pump his lungs full of air, and then to give Mitchell an infusion of lamb's blood. Finally, he would perform a special Voodoo dance which would hopefully bring Mitchell back to life.

Friends and family declined Parsley's mad scientist offer, not because they thought his solution impossible, but because they felt that Mitchell should rest in peace and only be resurrected if his old foes the Nazis made a comeback.

Did "Crouchy" Use Voodoo To Become Famous?

It has been claimed somewhere on the internet that Stoke City footballer Peter Crouch is a rabid user of Voodoo and harnassed its spells to get so tall (6'7") and become a famous footballer!

Crouch goes surfing on Lake Burslem

The claims come from a football forum from an anonymous user who says he is a "Stoke City insider".

"I can't keep quiet about this any longer," said the insider. "Crouchy uses Voodoo to satisfy his own desires. As a Voodoo practitioner myself, I only use spells for good. Crouchy has been using them for fame and wealth."

A Voodoo priestess in Hanley

As we all know, Stoke is the Voodoo capital of Europe; Hanley's French Quarter is home to a large African and Haitian population who practise Vodun or Voodoo. "That was one of Crouchy's motivations for joining Stoke City over other teams like Sunderland," adds the insider. "He knows that if he needs to sacrifice a goat or get a Voodoo doll, he only needs to go to the French Quarter in Hanley to get what he needs."

Crouch has yet to give any comment on Voodoo.