Man Gets Driving Ban For Protecting Children From Monsters

A Stokie has been punished after he was caught travelling with four children in the boot of his car. He said he did it to keep them safe from any potential monsters, including the Fegg Hayes Yeti.

Staffordshire Police found a total of 11 people in Barry Chomp's Vauxhall Nova when they stopped him in Fegg Hayes last year. One passenger was in the driver's seat, three adults and two children were squeezed into the back, and officers discovered four more children in the boot.

A recent picture of the Fegg Hayes Yeti

Chomp was convicted of endangering his passengers and of driving without licence or insurance earlier this week at Fenton Magistrates Court. He also was fined £5.50 and banned from driving illegally.

Chomp plans to appeal the decision.

Mewtwo Spotted In Fegg Hayes

Several reports have come in of (a) Mewtwo being spotted in northern Stoke.

"He mumbled something about getting revenge on humanity or something," Bev Biggs, one of the witnesses said. "Seemed a bit nuts to be honest."

"He was wandering around looking lost," Gary Gobbler added. "I could have taken it if I wanted to."

Global Warming Caused By Dragons, Says UKIP

Any warming of the Earth is caused by fire breathing dragons and is not man made, a UKIP councillor has told party supporters at a rally in Cobridge.

"These foreign dragons coming over here and warming our environment, it's a disgrace," the councillor roared to UKIP voters. "UKIP will put and end to this if we come to power and send them back to game of thrones land or wherever they come from."

"This is interesting," Professor Gary Hammers of Staffordshire University said. "We've long suspected dragons of inhabiting mountains in Fegg Hayes, but sightings are few and far between. They do breathe fire and fire does warm stuff up, so this could be legit."

Man Hairier Than Robin Williams Found

An extremely hairy man has been seen in Fegg Hayes, described by witnesses as being "hairier than Robin Williams".

The man was spotted near to the town's coliseum, wearing a top hat and Adidas tracksuit, drinking beer and spitting on the pavement. Tourists asked him to pose for photographs with them.

Offers for the mysterious man have been pouring in from local carnivals, with the Chell Heath Carnival the current frontrunner.

If you see the hairy man, you are advised to contact local newspapers or post about it on Facebook.

Beware Ghost In Goldenhill

If you're planning on going dogging anytime soon next to Goldenhill Golf Course, just off Kidsgrove Road, you might want to be aware of the ghost reported to be haunting the area!

I've never been, but dogging friends of mine have, and they are reporting that a pervy apparition has been spying on the hot outdoor action, and sometimes, commentating on it too!

"We're used to people watching us," says official dogger spokesman Fred Claus. "And we get off on it, but noobs might get weirded out by it the first time, so they should be careful."

Tonight's main dogging hotspots will be at the following car parks:

Chell Heath Conservative Working Men's Club

Dimensions Leisure Centre (Burslem)

Fegg Hayes Calvinist Chapel

Goldenhill Golf Course

Middleport Adventure Theme Park

Norton Space Centre

Wedgwood Museum

Fegg Hayes Yeti Is Gay, Claims Boy

Stoke's scientific community has been thrown into a tizz after an 11 year old boy claimed that the Fegg Hayes Yeti is gay!

The boy made the claim during a history lesson yesterday at the Phil Taylor Institute of Technology (formerly known as: Cheg's High School) in Burslem. Teacher Ted Stott was astonished by the claim. "I was astonished by the claim," he says. "The little bastard just got up in class and said, 'The Fegg Hayes Yeti is totes gay.' He then marched out of the classroom, lighting a cigarette on a bunsen burner as he went. I assume he went home to prepare the evidence of his discovery for presentation to the world's scientific community."

"We are waiting to see what evidence the boy has got to enable him to make this claim," said local Yeti expert Fenk Hitler. "He must have some real concrete evidence to have been so bold."

"I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day," added Mr Stott. "This could be the greatest discovery in the history of evolution, and it happened here in Boslem."

More Vampire Bones Found In Stoke?

Amateur ramraiders in Boslem [Burslem] are the latest to show that a widespread belief in vampires really existed in Stoke.

Port Vale FC (nicknamed: "the Scamps") revealed today that the skeleton of a man subjected to a ritual to stop him from turning into a vampire has been uncovered, like the one discovered recently in Tunny [Tunstall].

http://stokeparanormalsociety.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/vampire-corpse-found-in-tunstall.html

The remains are from the third grave unearthed in Burslem linked to the practice, "Scamps" mascot Boomer The Dog confirmed at a press conference.

"The skeleton was tied to the ground with ladies stockings, while burning badgers were placed on top of his grave," Boomer said. "The man may or may not have been a vampire but was subjected to this superstition-driven ritual to prevent him from becoming one after his death."

The bones of the man have yet to be dated but are believed to be somewhere between 1 day and several centuries old.

The bones were found during a ramraid at Burslem Cemetery on Hanley Road, where bodysnatchers had previously unearthed another skeleton with tied hands and subjected to similar rites a few years ago.

Vampire tales and superstitions are widespread across the towns of northern Stoke. Cobridge Tourist Board's Dave Murray, voted the company's "rising star of 2007", said there could be 1000s of such "vampire corpses" in northern Stoke.

"They illustrate a practice which was common in places like Boslem and Tunny right up until the 1960s," he told me recently at a hog roast at Dimensions Leisure Centre. "They reckon that some remote tribes up in the mountains near Fegg Hayes and Brindley Ford still do it," he added.

Fegg Hayes Yeti 600,000 Years Old, Says Staffordshire University Study

The Fegg Hayes Yeti is a much older species than previously thought and probably emerged as Stoke's top land predator about 600,000 years ago, a study at Staffordshire University has found. The news has come as a surprise to the residents of Fegg Hayes, whose elders have previously sung folk ballads of the Yeti being only 150,000 years old.

The students and professors estimate that the last common ancestor of gorillas and Yeti lived between 338,000 and 934,000 years ago. The most likely date, however, was about 600,000 years ago, said Phil Helpline of the Accounting and Business Studies department of Staffordshire University, a real numbers man who probably knows his stuff.

In recent years there have been several reports of sexual encounters between Yetis and gorillas resulting in fertile offspring. Mr Helpline said this could be explained by something similar happening about 150,000 years ago, when female gorillas mated with male Yetis resulting in fertile female offspring that "back-crossed" with pure-bred male gorillas, carrying their DNA with them.

"Yetis and gorillas hybridised about 150,000 years ago and then backcrossed into the main gorilla population. We tried to mate a Yeti with a gorilla in a room in the Cadman Centre, but it didn't take. I think the fact we were all standing around with cameras, cigars and beers may have put them off," Mr Helpline said.

Worker Hurt Erecting "Beware Yeti" Sign

A Stoke City Council worker was erecting notices warning the public to be careful of the Fegg Hayes Yeti when he slipped and hurt his back, neck, wrist, arms and penis.

He made a claim for compensation and the city council has agreed to settle the case out of court, after admitting the accident could have been prevented. The final pay-out has yet to be determined but £750,000 has been set aside to compensate man and cover legal fees. Any remaining money from the fund will go to the Army's 'Hog Roast for Heroes' charity.

The council has now ordered 15,000 pairs of special slip-on shoe soles with metal spikes and studs for all council workers, costing £139 each, to be worn at work at all times, to avoid similar injuries to outdoor workers in future.

Council spokesman Ken Cocksmith said: "It's important the council takes its responsibilities to staff and members of the public seriously, while not going health and safety mad, like Derby City Council does. Council elders need to look at the best way to give those with genuine injuries access to justice, while deterring lawyers who are sleazeballs, like the one Bill Murray played in 'Wild Things'."

The incident happened in June 2011, but was only revealed yesterday after council documents were made public when a worker left them at Trentham Monkey Park.

Staffordshire Police Ready For Alien Invasion

Police responding to possible alien attacks or invasions in Staffordshire have been kitted out with potentially life-saving equipment.

Three police response vehicles will carry a special pack designed to fight aliens. The pack contains a knife (to fight any hostile aliens), a mirror (to deflect alien ray gun blasts) and a 10p coin to use in a phone box should the Police's radio system go down. 

Officers from Staffordshire Police have been trained to use the devices. Police spokesman PC Barry Shanks is happy with how everything has gone. "Once again, Staffordshire Police has shown itself to be the best, most forward-thinking and most competent police force in the world. Fact."

The cars are based at the three most important sites in Staffordshire: Hanley, Leek and Fegg Hayes.

Missing Film Critic Found In Fegg Hayes

Missing film critic David Murray has been found!

He was found earlier today wandering around Fegg Hayes while wearing white robes. Normally he wears bright clothes and a monocle.

There's been no news yet as to his state of mind. Hopefully his brain will still function normally and he hasn't been left a drooling vegetable by whatever experience it is that he has been through.

More news when I have it.

Was Missing Film Critic Kidnapped By Aliens?

In case you don't know, Stoke's number one film critic, David Murray, is missing. It is now over a week since he was last seen, at Quasar at Festival Park in Etruria.

http://eyeonstoke.blogspot.com/2012/03/local-film-critic-goes-missing.html

The angry mob looking for him resumed its search today, after taking yesterday off because of the bad weather.

http://eyeonstoke.blogspot.com/2012/03/charity-single-recorded-for-missing.html

Reader Tim Beggar of Fegg Hayes was dogging on Goldenhill Golf Course last Thursday night and claims he saw a UFO in the area. "I was hanging around by some car, watching a couple do it on the back seat," explains Tim. "I was next in line. Some craft with bright lights goes overhead, I don't pay much attention to it, 'cus you get loads of rich folk in that area flying their helicopters about. Anyway, after a while, I think, 'Bleedin' hell, this helicopter's low,' and I look up and it's only a bleedin' UFO, innit. I think the dirty rotters were hangin' about watching the dogging action, if you ask me. Oh yeah, and they could've kidnapped that film critic you're lookin' for."

The 17th green at Goldenhill Golf Club

So could he have been taken by aliens? No-one could say for certain, but I would say for certain that is probable that the likelihood is that he may have been taken. Perhaps he is being anally probed as you read this, shudder the thought. Whatever happens, he remains in our thoughts. May the aliens have mercy on his soul.

Bigfoot, Dave, Barry And Stephen Milligan MP

Dave Bourne and his stepson Barry Biggins were camping near to the Knypersley Reservoir, near to Fegg Hayes (in northernmost Stoke!). It was 07 February 1994, the same day that Conservative politician Stephen Milligan was to die from autoerotic asphyxiation. It would be days before Dave and Barry would learn that Milligan had died wearing stockings and suspenders, a piece of chord tied to his neck from his ankles, a plastic bag over his head and an orange segment stuffed in his mouth, and perhaps more importantly, days before the world would learn of Dave and Barry's heart-warming story.

Stephen Milligan MP, who literally
wanked himself to death in 1994

They arrived at the campsite on a crisp morning, the frost dancing in the air like a sex-starved voodoo priestess. They decided to visit the waterfalls at the southern end of the reservoir to look for nearby mountain lions with their binoculars. Barry was watching a lost, drunken tramp about half-a-mile away, just above the lake, when he stopped.

Dave explained to Barry that they were looking at four Bigfoot who appeared to be playing a game similar to British Bulldog. This was unusual as Bigfoot is not normally found in this area, they are normally to be seen in Central Stoke. This is normally Yeti area.

While they were watching, two of the creatures walked to some rocks and sat down, as if to have a rest. Barry noticed that, judging by the way it limped, one of them appeared to have a bad leg. "That's because British Bulldog is a very rough game," said Dave. A passing party of prison guards and sex offenders had also stopped to watch the creatures playing. The game continued for another ten minutes before the Bigfoot finally left the clearing. Dave and Barry checked the area again over the course of the next few days but never saw the creatures again.

Meanwhile, the twelve sex offenders had used the distraction of the Bigfoot to escape from the guards. To this day, four of the men have yet to be recaptured. They are described as being "very sexual and very dangerous".

Fegg Hayes

Fegg Hayes is located in the north of Stoke, next to the Knypersley mountain range.

The name Fegg Hayes comes from the greek 'Fides Hades', meaning 'Faith in Hades'. Hades is the Greek god of the underworld.

Fegg Hayes was one of the original "seven towns" that joined together to form Stoke-on-Trent in 1910 (along with Burslem, Fenton, Hanley, Longton, Stoke-upon-Trent and Tunstall).

Fegg Hayes is the home of the world famous Fegg Hayes Yeti.

http://stokeparanormalsociety.blogspot.com/search/label/Yeti

Fegg Hayes looks different from much of Stoke because of its unique history. From 1386 to 1797, Fegg Hayes was ruled by Viennese nobility. As such, much of Fegg Hayes reflects the era when it was part of the Republic of Vienna, its streets full of romanesque and baroque architecture.

Fegg Hayes High Street

Pop star Robbie Williams grew up in the area.

For more on Fegg Hayes, click here:

http://stokeparanormalsociety.blogspot.com/search/label/Fegg%20Hayes

Your Questions Answered!

Here are a selection of your questions. And my answers.

Q: "Are you for real?" - Keith Punch
A: Interesting, very interesting. Look at my face, just look at my face.

Q: "Who'll win 'The X Factor'?" - Terry Stafford, Stafford
A: Don't know, don't care.

Q: "What's the biggest ghost you've ever seen?" - Steve Klemp
A: I've never seen a ghost. But, I know of a woman (Mary Hinchnipple) who claims she once saw the ghost of an ice cream van.

"Stick a Flake in it, duck"

Q: "Do you believe in parallel dimensions?" - Leeanne Holdcroft, Fenton
A: Don't be ridiculous, there's no evidence of such things.

Q: "What's the most haunted part of Stoke?" - Janet Suggs
A: In terms of ghosts, probably Burslem or Tunstall. But Fegg Hayes is scarier.

Q: "Do you read minds?" - Jamie Wootton, London
A: I don't, but I can tell you're an idiot without being able to read minds.

Q: "Why have there been no people with super powers from Chernobyl?" - Chip Goodberry, Atlanta (USA)
A: Good question. I'd like to think there's still time, but this has been a big disappointment. When the disaster happened, I thought, 'Finally, some real life superheroes.' Although, admittedly, I was worried the commies would train any supermen as evil super soldiers. But it's never happened. Maybe there was no disaster, just a big cover up of something else...

So there you have it. Keep sending your questions and leaving comments!

The Steve Identity

This isn't paranormal-related, but I wanted to let you all know about a film I'm involved with. We're currently trying to raise finances to make the film. We've got some money from the Cobridge Film Council but need more before we can start production.

The film will be produced by people from Stoke and is called "The Steve Identity". It's a fast paced action thriller, and will be filmed entirely in movie studios near to Prague, with sets made to recreate the streets of Stoke. We think it would be an ideal vehicle for cockney bad boy actor Danny Dyer. And as we all know, if you get Dyer, you will also get Tamer Hassan. Whether you want him or not. Jonathan Wilkes is also said to be eager to be involved.

Here is the synopsis for the film.

"The Steve Identity"

Director: Dave Burgess

Writer: Phil Burton

Producer: Kevin Thompson

Executive producer: Montgomery Deschanel

A man wakes up in a gutter with two black eyes. He does not know who he is or why he is there. However, he finds an on-the-spot fine ticket for drunken behaviour in his pocket.

The man makes his way to a park bench, where he is bothered by two football fans. They try to start a fight with him because he does not know what football team he supports. Using advanced brawling techniques he didn't know he had such as headbutting and glassing, he beats up the men easily, before running into a nearby Police Station.

In the Police Station, he hands the ticket to the desk officer hoping to find more information about himself. The Officer tells him he's lucky and hands him a wallet that has been handed in. In the wallet, he finds various bank cards and benefit cheques, all to different names. He takes the name on the driving license, Steve Stevens, as his own.

While leaving the police station, he sees Kayleigh Povey, trying to help her friend get released from spending a night in the cells. Steve is then approached by more football fans. He offers Kayleigh a tenner to drive him to Burslem to the address on his driving license. She is suspicious, but needs the money and agrees.

Steve and Kayleigh arrive at the block of flats in Burslem. He dials 1471 on the phone and gets through to the JobCentre. The Job Advisor recognises one of the names on the income support cheques, Nigel Yip, who Steve is told wears an eyepatch and has a limp. But then a skinhead jumps though a window and attacks Steve. Steve shouts "D'yer want some yer slag?" at the skinhead before headbutting him. He then smashes a glass on a table before shoving it into the skinhead's face. In the skinhead's pockets, Kayleigh finds an England flag and a mobile phone with a picture of Steve and her saved in it. She starts crying, so Steve slaps her and tells her to get it together. Meanwhile, the skinhead escapes.

As Steve and Kayleigh leave in her car, they are chased by someone driving a white Vauxhall Nova. A car chase through the Smallthorne roundabouts follows but Steve and Kayleigh escape and go to Kayleigh's council flat in Cobridge.

The next day, they contact the JobCentre again and obtain an address for Nigel Yip. Arriving at the address, which is Port Vale's football ground, Steve concludes that he must be a football hooligan.

Going back to Kayleigh's flat, Steve notices Stoke City fans and decides they are no longer safe in Cobridge. Kayleigh takes Steve to (her stepdad) Mick's house. He is supposed to be in prison for wife-beating, but he shows up with a local stripper called Sharon. He lets them stay the night. The next day, Steve hears a powerful car pull up outside. Steve takes Dave's pool cue and goes into the street to pummel the man (Paul Botts) waiting for him. After getting battered, Paul tells Steve they are in the same Port Vale supporter's group, headed by local crime kingpin Dave Johnson. Steve takes Paul's phone and rings Dave, arranging to meet him by Lake Burslem.

Arriving near the lake, Steve notices some undercover skinheads (wearing hats to hide their haircuts). He decides it isn't safe, so he waits for Dave to leave then follows him home. He breaks in then holds Dave at snooker ball-in-a-sock point. He asks Dave about how he got to the ditch, then has a series of flashbacks. Steve was with the supporter's group ahead of the local derby game against Stoke City. Spotting a Stoke fan in a public toilet, Steve approached intending to beat the crap out of him. However, Steve started to feel pangs of guilt and told the group to lay off it and just go to the game. The group turned on him immediately and gave him the beating of a lifetime, leaving him in the ditch. After fully remembering what happened, Steve tells Dave that he no longer wants to be a hooligan or to support Port Vale. He then smashes Dave's face up a bit for good measure.

Dave is then seen before the supporter's group telling them the group is to be closed down. He then starts to tell them about his new England Supporter's Group...

Later, Steve finds Kayleigh working at a KFC in Fegg Hayes. The pair get off with each other.

THE END

Fegg Hayes Yeti: Case Studies

One of the strangest Yeti encounters occurred in 1932. Professional gambler and opium dealer Bill Williams was in town for a black jack tournament at the city's number one nightspot, The Ca$hino. After going on a drink and opium bender, Bill wandered into the mountains where he either became snowblind, or went blind from intoxication. As death drew near, he was saved by a giant Yeti, who took him back to his cave and nursed him back to health. Williams wrote a book about his experience called 'The Fegg Hayes Angel'. He later died in a fire at a patisserie.

Bill Williams's sketch of the Fegg Hayes Yeti

Mountaineer Phil Stevens claimed to have gotten into a drunken fight with a yeti in 1986. "He came from nowhere and tried to nick one of my beers. I was like, 'I don’t think so you slag,' and wrestled him for the beer. I won, obviously, and he ran off again like a little bitch." Some people doubt Phil's testimony. But not because he is black.

In 2006, a Bangladeshi Kabbadi team, in the mountains for altitude training ahead of a tournament, witnessed a Yeti and photographed its footprints. The team's leader, Uddin Hossain, claims they observed the Yeti during training. "We were practising our defensive skills, in particular the crocodile hold, when a Yeti ran past us whilst wearing L-plates and a traffic cone on its head. It must have been a hen night celebration."

So far, there is no firm scientific evidence to support the existence of the Fegg Hayes Yeti, but there is no way to show that he doesn't exist either. If he indeed lives in the barren, frozen, unwelcoming, upper reaches of Fegg Hayes, where few men dare to tread, he may find his refuge safe for a long time to come.

Fegg Hayes Yeti: The Tunstall Tail

The Tunstall Tail is an artefact stolen from a Taoist monastery in Tunstall. Supporters contend that the tail is from the Fegg Hayes Yeti. Critics argue that this claim is a load of old rubbish however, and is in fact a fraud.

Dave Munton first heard accounts of the possible existence of a Yeti tail held as a ritual artefact in the monastery in Tunstall during one of his "Abominable Stokeman" treks in 1977. These expeditions were the first to bring photographs of the tail back to Hanley.

On later expeditions in and around Tunstall and Chell, Munton’s associates gathered more information on the Tunstall Tail, and an effort to further examine it was planned. In 1999, Pete Grimes, a member of Munton's expedition that year, reportedly stole pieces of the artefact after the monks who owned it refused to allow its removal for study or play. Grimes claimed to have replaced the stolen bone fragments with badger bones he had taken from Longton Zoo, rewrapping the hand to disguise his theft.

Grimes smuggled the bones from Tunstall into Chell Heath, after which media personality Jonathan Wilkes allegedly smuggled the tail out of Chell Heath in his Widow Twanky pantomime costume. Chat show host Paul O’Grady discovered the story in 2007 while interviewing Wilkes about his forthcoming show 'Stoke's Got Talent'. Wilkes, a close friend of Take That dancer Gary Barlow, confirmed details of the incidents with written materials from the Dave Munton archives.

Jonathan Wilkes takes a break from
his busy work schedule

Staffordshire University Lecturer Phil Majors conducted a physical examination of the pieces that Grimes supplied. His first findings were that the pieces were "definitely bone" and later in 2000 he decided that the Tunstall Tail fragments were "a closer match to some monkey or other than to a human or dog".

In 2001, in conjunction with Majors's research, it was discovered that the Munton expedition consultant, a Derby-based anthropologist by the name of Cletus Conk, had sold samples of the alleged Yeti tail to American shock-rocker Marilyn Manson, who had the bones ground down so he could smoke them in a pipe.

During her highly-publicised 2008 autobiography promotional tour, Fearne Cotton took a side trip to Tunstall to investigate the tail. Cotton was unaware of the possibility that she was looking at a combination of the original material and the badger bones placed there by Grimes. Cotton determined the tail was a hoax.

In 2009, the entire tail was stolen from the Tunstall monastery, and reportedly disappeared into a private collection in Derbyshire. "Don't look at me," Jonathan Wilkes said about the theft.

Fegg Hayes Yeti vs. Sir Edmund Hillary

Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to reach the summit of Mount Everest. Well, he was the first white man to reach the summit. The first white man from a sensible Commonwealth country, at least.

When news of the Fegg Hayes Yeti reached New Zealand in 1942, they inspired a young Edmund Hillary to vow to visit Stoke one day and explore the Fegg Hayes mountains and find proof of the Yeti. “I vow to visit Stoke one day and explore the Fegg Hayes mountains and find proof of the Yeti,” he is reported to have said.

Sir Edmund finally started his famous expedition to look for the Yeti in 1959; he had been the first man to reach the top of Mount Everest in 1953. Since Shipman and Bubbles had found their tracks some years earlier, many other explorers had searched for and found more. Sir Edmund had even found giant foot prints on the way up to the top of Mount Everest, in 1953, thought to be of the Nepalese Yeti, probably a distant descendant of the Fegg Hayes Yeti.

Edmund lead the 1959 trip in association with local businessman, philanthropist and sexual adventurer Dave Munton. The expedition was sponsored by Coca Cola and Tunstall Assurance and was well equipped.

Dave Munton, yesterday

The party had ten Sherpa, cameras, including infrared and night vision equipment, a portaloo and a mobile disco. Despite a six-month stay the group failed to find any convincing evidence of the existence of the Yeti. The artefacts they did find, two skeletons and a scalp, turned out to belong to two circus midgets and a dwarf.

At the time Hillary came to the conclusion that the Fegg Hayes Yeti was a legend and nothing more. “I have come to the conclusion that the Fegg Hayes Yeti is a legend and nothing more,” he said.

Later, Munton concluded that the problem with the expedition was that it had been too big and clumsy. “The Sherpa spent most of their time lugging around all of the coke bottles Coca Cola had given us,” he explained. “Also, we forgot to take a map with us. In the end, we didn't see a Yeti, which disappointed us, but we did see a UFO and some ghosts.” Munton would later fund further expeditions to search for the Fegg Hayes Yeti.

Fegg Hayes Yeti: The History

The Fegg Hayes Yeti is a creature reputed to inhabit the mountain ranges in the northern Stoke region known as Fegg Hayes. The creature is not currently recognised or catalogued by scientists; they reject the possibility that the Yeti can exist because of the climate and food supply issues and because of the large numbers necessary to maintain a breeding population. Skeptics also say that Yeti tracks were made by ordinary animals like a bear or an ape. But that doesn’t stop locals from believing the myths.

There are questions about its origin, if the Yeti does exist. One theory is that the Yetis are descendants of the Packmoors, an ancient people that fled into the mountains to escape their enemies, who would probably have been heathens from Kidsgrove. Some experts claim that the Yeti has descended from a race of giant apes, who retreated into Fegg Hayes several hundred thousand years ago. In the following millennia, they degraded to a race of monstrous creatures.

Yetis appear in the legends of the Stoke people, who tell stories of sightings and human-Yeti interactions dating back several hundred years. The frequency of reports increased during the early 20th century, when people from the Southern Stoke towns began venturing north of Lake Burslem and the River Trent, making determined attempts to scale the many mountains of the Fegg Hayes area and occasionally reported seeing odd creatures or strange tracks.

A Yeti typically has white or grey hair, is said to have a terrible smell and it is very strong – it picks up and throws boulders as if they were Monster Munch! They are also nocturnal; they sleep during the day and forage at night. Yetis have been heard making whistling sounds and roaring like a lion. The Yeti is also rumoured to be very fond of kebabs and alcoholic drinks.

The first international report of the Yeti appeared in 1921 when German photographer Helmut Dannheimer, working on a chain gang in the mountains for his war crimes, saw a creature in the distance urinating on the snowman he had built earlier in the day. “The creature walked upright, like a person, or a giant squirrel,” said Dannheimer. “It wore no clothes. I wanted to photograph it nude, but it left before I could get my camera,” he continued in his comical German accent.

The chain gang inspected the snowman where the Yeti had been. “It had urinated all over the snowman’s face,” said chain gang member Freddy Steele, who was serving a two year prison sentence for failing to wear a suitable hat in the presence of a monarch (King George V). “I saw this as a warning sign for us to leave the Yeti’s area, but the guards felt otherwise and made us eat the snowman in a show of defiance.”

The story reached Germany, where the Yeti story appeared on the front pages of national newspapers, and where Steele became an inspiration to rebellious youngsters in the Weimar Republik, to the extent that it became “uncool” to wear the correct hat at social functions. This is also around the time when the name “The Abominable Stokeman” was first used.

"Try not to blink this time!"

 

Some of the best Yeti tracks ever photographed were taken by cockney mountaineers and war-evaders Harry Shipman and Mickey Bubbles in 1941. They found them on the southern slopes of the Mong Glacier to the east of Fegg Hayes. Each print was twelve inches wide and eighteen inches long (about the same size as an A3 poster of Michael Bolton), much bigger than the average foot size of a fully-grown Stoke-based human. The tracks seemed fresh, so the pair followed them, but soon got distracted by some passing women looking for bunny rabbits.

Some experts who viewed the photographs could not identify the tracks as any known creature, while some other experts said they recognised the tracks but couldn’t remember which creature they came from.