Lake Burslem Monster: The History

The Lake Burslem Monster, sometimes called “Bursie” or “Bossie” is a creature reported to live in Lake Burslem. Burslem is located south of the mountainous Fegg Hayes area and north of the Forested area of Central Forest Park. Lake Burslem is around 12 miles long and 1 mile wide, and is more than 1000 feet deep and ice free.

The western edge of Lake Burslem

Bursie is one of the best-known mysteries in the world, though most mainstream scientists regard Bursie reports as hoaxes or misidentification of mundane creatures.

Some local researchers, included noted psychic Crystal O’Future and Paul Brown (Managing Director of the Paul Brown Bossie Foundation) postulate that there are no anomalous physical creatures within the lake. These researchers argue that many of the reported sightings must be attributed to hoaxes or misidentification of conventional creatures and objects because of the absence of physical evidence.

Most accounts of Bursie describe a creature resembling the long-extinct plesiosaur. Fossils of this creature show that it had a long neck, small head and flippers; most of the Bursie witnesses describe something similar. A gaping red mouth and horns or antennae on the top of the creature's head is often mentioned by witnesses. Bursie’s movements have been studied, and the films and photos analysed to determine what Bursie might be, if she exists. But some other sightings describe Bursie differently.

Theories as to the exact nature of the Lake Burslem Monster sightings are varied: misidentification of seals, fish, logs, mirages and light distortion, crossing of boat wakes, or unusual wave patterns. Very large octopus have also been found in Lake Burslem, and due to octopus’s size and unusual appearance, one could easily be mistaken for a monster by someone not familiar with it. Local paranormal expert and pikelet impresario Dave Munton argues that only a small residue of reported lake sightings could be paranormal or supernatural in nature. Munton, who has a conviction for sexual fraud, believes Bursie is a pan-dimensional time-traveller, here to warn us against the dangers of pollution, global warming and other similar issues. He does not give a reason why he believes that.

Some sheep near to Lake Burslem

Carvings have been found in caves near to the lake, believed to have been made almost 2000 years ago by the ancient inhabitants of Burslem. These carvings show an aquatic beast eating nudists who dared to venture too close to the lake. The earliest recorded literary reference is a diary by Italian Monk St Kevin of Palermo, who claimed in 532 AD that he fought off the monster when it attacked the naked young boys who were accompanying him on a journey. Critics have questioned the reliability of the source, noting a different story in which St Kevin slays a wild dragon by the power of his penis. They also point out that, according to his diaries, St Kevin encounters and conquers assorted monsters at various places in Europe throughout his life, always defeating them, often with the power of his penis or testicles. Additionally, it has been pointed out that the Lake Burslem Monster has few other reported instance of attacking anyone, and in fact is generally portrayed as shy and people-avoidant.

In around 1912, a new road was built on the northern shore of the lake, originally designed to allow tourists to access the Fegg Hayes Mountain Range. This new road provided easy access to unobstructed views of the water. Bursie sightings increased immediately and began to draw international attention.

The first modern sighting occurred in January 1913. The Daily Oatcake newspaper carried a story of Paul Sifter, who reportedly saw a massive monster thrashing about on the surface. The report of the "MONSTER!" (a headline chosen by the editor) became a media sensation with newspapers in London, who sent reporters and an elephant circus to Stoke, and offered a reward of 25 pounds for the capture and killing of the monster. In June that year, Phil Mycock claimed to have witnessed Bursie. Mycock, who would go on to die during World War I fighting for Bulgaria, described the creature as having its head set low in the water and opening and closing its mouth as if it was smoking an invisible cigar.

Roy Labrador, Pie Man

On 14 July 1986, competitive pie-eater Roy Labrador discovered a large crater in one of his fields in Trentham. Roy, who doesn't look like a dog but claims he can lick his own genitalia, is in no doubt that a UFO caused the crater. "I am in no doubt that a UFO caused the crater," he says. "It looked like someone had taken a large bite out of the pie that is my field. I didn't actually see or hear the UFO, but it is as clear as pie that one came down to steal some of my potatoes and turnips, perhaps to make a massive interstellar pie."

The event generated a lot of local press attention at the time. Headlines such as "Alien Pies From The Sky" were commonplace.

Roy Labrador, yesterday

Police officers present at the site gave a different explanation. "It was just an old mineshaft that collapsed," says police officer Barry Shanks. "It's as clear as doughnuts. I'm not involved in a cover-up. Honest."

Local UFO expert Paul Brown, chairman of the Paul Brown UFO Club, has a more detailed theory. "It was caused by the landing of a big flying saucer, 337 feet in diameter and weighing 450 tonnes, with a crew of 48 beings. It's as clear as sweets. It was probably a scout ship ahead of some sort of future alien invasion."

Welcome To Stoke-on-Trent!

I see from the blog stats that we have readers from the UK, USA, Germany, Russia and Denmark. That means we're read in four different continents! (Counting Russia as being in Asia and the UK as a separate continent to Europe.)

For those of you not so familiar with Stoke as people in the UK would be, I've put together five essential facts about Stoke.

(1) Stoke is nicknamed "The Potteries" in honour of 18th Century daredevil and illusionist Percival Potter, who performed many of his most famous stunts in the city.

(2) Stoke proclaimed itself independent from the UK in 1974.

(3) People from Stoke consume more WKD per capita than anywhere else in the world.

(4) In WW2, Stoke declared its support for the Allies in 1946 having previously remained neutral.

(5) The Stoke town of Fenton is named after former footballer Graham Fenton who had a loan spell with Stoke City FC in 2000 which locals still talk about to this day.

At some point, I'll put together a complete history of Stoke. God knows the world needs one.

Fegg Hayes Yeti: Case Studies

One of the strangest Yeti encounters occurred in 1932. Professional gambler and opium dealer Bill Williams was in town for a black jack tournament at the city's number one nightspot, The Ca$hino. After going on a drink and opium bender, Bill wandered into the mountains where he either became snowblind, or went blind from intoxication. As death drew near, he was saved by a giant Yeti, who took him back to his cave and nursed him back to health. Williams wrote a book about his experience called 'The Fegg Hayes Angel'. He later died in a fire at a patisserie.

Bill Williams's sketch of the Fegg Hayes Yeti

Mountaineer Phil Stevens claimed to have gotten into a drunken fight with a yeti in 1986. "He came from nowhere and tried to nick one of my beers. I was like, 'I don’t think so you slag,' and wrestled him for the beer. I won, obviously, and he ran off again like a little bitch." Some people doubt Phil's testimony. But not because he is black.

In 2006, a Bangladeshi Kabbadi team, in the mountains for altitude training ahead of a tournament, witnessed a Yeti and photographed its footprints. The team's leader, Uddin Hossain, claims they observed the Yeti during training. "We were practising our defensive skills, in particular the crocodile hold, when a Yeti ran past us whilst wearing L-plates and a traffic cone on its head. It must have been a hen night celebration."

So far, there is no firm scientific evidence to support the existence of the Fegg Hayes Yeti, but there is no way to show that he doesn't exist either. If he indeed lives in the barren, frozen, unwelcoming, upper reaches of Fegg Hayes, where few men dare to tread, he may find his refuge safe for a long time to come.

Fegg Hayes Yeti: The Tunstall Tail

The Tunstall Tail is an artefact stolen from a Taoist monastery in Tunstall. Supporters contend that the tail is from the Fegg Hayes Yeti. Critics argue that this claim is a load of old rubbish however, and is in fact a fraud.

Dave Munton first heard accounts of the possible existence of a Yeti tail held as a ritual artefact in the monastery in Tunstall during one of his "Abominable Stokeman" treks in 1977. These expeditions were the first to bring photographs of the tail back to Hanley.

On later expeditions in and around Tunstall and Chell, Munton’s associates gathered more information on the Tunstall Tail, and an effort to further examine it was planned. In 1999, Pete Grimes, a member of Munton's expedition that year, reportedly stole pieces of the artefact after the monks who owned it refused to allow its removal for study or play. Grimes claimed to have replaced the stolen bone fragments with badger bones he had taken from Longton Zoo, rewrapping the hand to disguise his theft.

Grimes smuggled the bones from Tunstall into Chell Heath, after which media personality Jonathan Wilkes allegedly smuggled the tail out of Chell Heath in his Widow Twanky pantomime costume. Chat show host Paul O’Grady discovered the story in 2007 while interviewing Wilkes about his forthcoming show 'Stoke's Got Talent'. Wilkes, a close friend of Take That dancer Gary Barlow, confirmed details of the incidents with written materials from the Dave Munton archives.

Jonathan Wilkes takes a break from
his busy work schedule

Staffordshire University Lecturer Phil Majors conducted a physical examination of the pieces that Grimes supplied. His first findings were that the pieces were "definitely bone" and later in 2000 he decided that the Tunstall Tail fragments were "a closer match to some monkey or other than to a human or dog".

In 2001, in conjunction with Majors's research, it was discovered that the Munton expedition consultant, a Derby-based anthropologist by the name of Cletus Conk, had sold samples of the alleged Yeti tail to American shock-rocker Marilyn Manson, who had the bones ground down so he could smoke them in a pipe.

During her highly-publicised 2008 autobiography promotional tour, Fearne Cotton took a side trip to Tunstall to investigate the tail. Cotton was unaware of the possibility that she was looking at a combination of the original material and the badger bones placed there by Grimes. Cotton determined the tail was a hoax.

In 2009, the entire tail was stolen from the Tunstall monastery, and reportedly disappeared into a private collection in Derbyshire. "Don't look at me," Jonathan Wilkes said about the theft.

Fegg Hayes Yeti vs. Sir Edmund Hillary

Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to reach the summit of Mount Everest. Well, he was the first white man to reach the summit. The first white man from a sensible Commonwealth country, at least.

When news of the Fegg Hayes Yeti reached New Zealand in 1942, they inspired a young Edmund Hillary to vow to visit Stoke one day and explore the Fegg Hayes mountains and find proof of the Yeti. “I vow to visit Stoke one day and explore the Fegg Hayes mountains and find proof of the Yeti,” he is reported to have said.

Sir Edmund finally started his famous expedition to look for the Yeti in 1959; he had been the first man to reach the top of Mount Everest in 1953. Since Shipman and Bubbles had found their tracks some years earlier, many other explorers had searched for and found more. Sir Edmund had even found giant foot prints on the way up to the top of Mount Everest, in 1953, thought to be of the Nepalese Yeti, probably a distant descendant of the Fegg Hayes Yeti.

Edmund lead the 1959 trip in association with local businessman, philanthropist and sexual adventurer Dave Munton. The expedition was sponsored by Coca Cola and Tunstall Assurance and was well equipped.

Dave Munton, yesterday

The party had ten Sherpa, cameras, including infrared and night vision equipment, a portaloo and a mobile disco. Despite a six-month stay the group failed to find any convincing evidence of the existence of the Yeti. The artefacts they did find, two skeletons and a scalp, turned out to belong to two circus midgets and a dwarf.

At the time Hillary came to the conclusion that the Fegg Hayes Yeti was a legend and nothing more. “I have come to the conclusion that the Fegg Hayes Yeti is a legend and nothing more,” he said.

Later, Munton concluded that the problem with the expedition was that it had been too big and clumsy. “The Sherpa spent most of their time lugging around all of the coke bottles Coca Cola had given us,” he explained. “Also, we forgot to take a map with us. In the end, we didn't see a Yeti, which disappointed us, but we did see a UFO and some ghosts.” Munton would later fund further expeditions to search for the Fegg Hayes Yeti.

Fegg Hayes Yeti: The History

The Fegg Hayes Yeti is a creature reputed to inhabit the mountain ranges in the northern Stoke region known as Fegg Hayes. The creature is not currently recognised or catalogued by scientists; they reject the possibility that the Yeti can exist because of the climate and food supply issues and because of the large numbers necessary to maintain a breeding population. Skeptics also say that Yeti tracks were made by ordinary animals like a bear or an ape. But that doesn’t stop locals from believing the myths.

There are questions about its origin, if the Yeti does exist. One theory is that the Yetis are descendants of the Packmoors, an ancient people that fled into the mountains to escape their enemies, who would probably have been heathens from Kidsgrove. Some experts claim that the Yeti has descended from a race of giant apes, who retreated into Fegg Hayes several hundred thousand years ago. In the following millennia, they degraded to a race of monstrous creatures.

Yetis appear in the legends of the Stoke people, who tell stories of sightings and human-Yeti interactions dating back several hundred years. The frequency of reports increased during the early 20th century, when people from the Southern Stoke towns began venturing north of Lake Burslem and the River Trent, making determined attempts to scale the many mountains of the Fegg Hayes area and occasionally reported seeing odd creatures or strange tracks.

A Yeti typically has white or grey hair, is said to have a terrible smell and it is very strong – it picks up and throws boulders as if they were Monster Munch! They are also nocturnal; they sleep during the day and forage at night. Yetis have been heard making whistling sounds and roaring like a lion. The Yeti is also rumoured to be very fond of kebabs and alcoholic drinks.

The first international report of the Yeti appeared in 1921 when German photographer Helmut Dannheimer, working on a chain gang in the mountains for his war crimes, saw a creature in the distance urinating on the snowman he had built earlier in the day. “The creature walked upright, like a person, or a giant squirrel,” said Dannheimer. “It wore no clothes. I wanted to photograph it nude, but it left before I could get my camera,” he continued in his comical German accent.

The chain gang inspected the snowman where the Yeti had been. “It had urinated all over the snowman’s face,” said chain gang member Freddy Steele, who was serving a two year prison sentence for failing to wear a suitable hat in the presence of a monarch (King George V). “I saw this as a warning sign for us to leave the Yeti’s area, but the guards felt otherwise and made us eat the snowman in a show of defiance.”

The story reached Germany, where the Yeti story appeared on the front pages of national newspapers, and where Steele became an inspiration to rebellious youngsters in the Weimar Republik, to the extent that it became “uncool” to wear the correct hat at social functions. This is also around the time when the name “The Abominable Stokeman” was first used.

"Try not to blink this time!"

 

Some of the best Yeti tracks ever photographed were taken by cockney mountaineers and war-evaders Harry Shipman and Mickey Bubbles in 1941. They found them on the southern slopes of the Mong Glacier to the east of Fegg Hayes. Each print was twelve inches wide and eighteen inches long (about the same size as an A3 poster of Michael Bolton), much bigger than the average foot size of a fully-grown Stoke-based human. The tracks seemed fresh, so the pair followed them, but soon got distracted by some passing women looking for bunny rabbits.

Some experts who viewed the photographs could not identify the tracks as any known creature, while some other experts said they recognised the tracks but couldn’t remember which creature they came from.

Hanley Cathedral

The Gothic cathedral that stands in the city centre in Hanley, next to the Potteries Shopping Centre, is currently being rebuilt following a fire caused by a faulty lava lamp. What not many people know is that this will be the seventh place of worship constructed on the site over the past 1,500 years.

Hanley Cathedral, yesterday

Although the present cathedral is recognised as a place for Christian pilgrimages, it is considered mysterious by many other faiths. Before the Romans inhabited this region on the River Trent, some ancient priests of an unknown religion constructed a stargate on the site.

The Druids, Celtic priests of Britain, made the stargate a centre for the study of their religion. Here a Druid priest had a vision of a virgin who would bear a child; this chosen one would go on to spread the Celtic beliefs around the world. To honour the vision, an image of the virgin with the babe feeding at her bountiful bosom was carved on a giant palm tree (widespread in Stoke before the industrial revolution) and placed next to the power point within the stargate. When the first Christians slaughtered the locals and appropriated the area in the sixth century, they built the first church on the site of the stargate and placed the image of the virgin in the church’s crypt, afraid of the powerful busty imagery.



The Duke of Bradwell burned down the first church in 743 during the Staffordshire Civil War; Vikings destroyed the second in 858 fearing the stargate still worked and would lead to an invasion by enemy races. The third and fourth churches were burned down in 962 and 1020 by chip pan fires, and the first of the cathedrals on the site was destroyed by partygoers in 1194.

Each time the place of worship was burned or crumbled, faithful Christian townspeople bullied builders, architects and peasants into rebuilding the structure using blackmail and threats. But the identity of the master builders who constructed the majestic Hanley Cathedral that stands there today remains unknown. It is thought by some that friendly beings entered through the stargate, believed to be still buried beneath the cathedral, and built the holy place.

Mail Scam

A mail scam has been identified so I thought I'd make you all aware, especially in the run up to Christmas, and for anyone looking for a psychic reading.

The scam has also been confirmed by Stoke's leading psychic and medium Crystal O'Future. The Stoke Society of Psychics (SSP) are making people aware of the following:

A card posted through your door from a company called PDS (Psychic Delivery Service) suggests that they were unable to deliver a psychic reading by Crystal O'Future and that you need to contact them on 0898 50 50 50 (a premium rate number). DO NOT call this number as it is a mail scam originating in Derbyshire. If you call the number and start to hear a recorded message you will have been billed £316 for the phone call.

If you do receive a card with these details then please contact the Stoke Society of Psychics Fraud Office on 01782 633 955.

I'd Like To Thank...

The blog is one week old!!

So far the reaction has been pretty good. Here is a selection of the many good reviews:

"An essential guide to the paranormal. If you happen to live in Stoke" - Crystal O'Future, psychic and medium

"The first thing I look at in the morning" - Example Gobbs, The Daily Gargoyle

"About bloody time!" - Dave Munton, explorer

"I may or may not have read this website" - Tony Pulis, Stoke City FC

"Back of the net!"

It's not all been good. I'm not going to lie, there's been some doubters and non-believers. Here's what they've said:

"A tear on the face of Mother Earth" - The Stoke Skeptic Magazine

"A shit stain of hapless paranormal investigations and bungling paranoia" - Stoke Society of the Paranormal

"I did not see it" - Arsene Wenger, Arsenal FC

"I did not see it"

What do I say to the skeptics? I say: I spit on your grave and I sleep with your daughters!

That is all.