Stoke has its newest cult: The Ophelians!
Formed off the back of today's red sun, caused by Storm Ophelia blowing north African sands into the sky giving a red hue to the fiery star, and giving Stoke a yellowy glow, The Ophelians! (with exclamation mark) formed on the M6 next to a massive pile-up of crashed cars and dead bodies.
"As soon as I saw her, I knew it was a message from Ophelia, and that I was to be her prophet on Earth," cult leader Tonk Matthews said at an impromptu press conference. "We will be holding our first orgy tonight."
Prophet Matthews denies taking advantage of people suffering from shock at seeing the pile-up. "Those acolytes were stunned by Ophelia's beauty and were willing converts," he replied. "I vetted them all personally in the back of my transit van to make sure."
