Vortex Opens In Bagnall

A portal to another dimension has been found in Gob Street in Bagnall, though members of the public have been advised to stay away.

"We start to find these things opening up more at this time of year," council health and safety inspector Nigel Garage said at the scene. "I'm no scientist, but I think the hot weather may weaken the fabric of the space-time continuum."

"I am a scientist," Dr Nick Legg, professor of science at Staffordshire University retorted. "To suggest that the fabric of the space-time continuum is weakened by hot weather is madness. This man knows nothing. Literally nothing."

"We don't know where this vortex goes or what it does, so it’s best just to ignore it and pretend like it's not there. It'll go away eventually," Mr Garage added. "They always do."

Global Warming Caused By Dragons, Says UKIP

Any warming of the Earth is caused by fire breathing dragons and is not man made, a UKIP councillor has told party supporters at a rally in Cobridge.

"These foreign dragons coming over here and warming our environment, it's a disgrace," the councillor roared to UKIP voters. "UKIP will put and end to this if we come to power and send them back to game of thrones land or wherever they come from."

"This is interesting," Professor Gary Hammers of Staffordshire University said. "We've long suspected dragons of inhabiting mountains in Fegg Hayes, but sightings are few and far between. They do breathe fire and fire does warm stuff up, so this could be legit."