When Paul Umney, known to his friends as either "squatman" or "nip" (short for "nipple"), went onto the internet one night last week, little did he realise that he was about to make the greatest scientific breakthrough of all time.
"I watched a video of a piece of paper on a table in an empty room moving about a bit," explains the Vauxhall Nova owner. "It's amazing footage and pretty much proves the existence of the afterlife."
Is it not possible that the movement was caused by fresh air, maybe getting in through a window, air vent, chimney or crack or gap in the doorway?
"I've not been there myself to check, but my understanding from the comments below the video is that the room was completely sealed, and contained just the table, piece of paper and camera. I can't believe this isn't the top story on the news every night, I mean, come on! What more proof could you possibly need?"