Possessed Photocopier Abuses People

Office workers in Hanley have complained about a photocopier in their workplace that has come alive and started to abuse staff.

Workers at Barry & Company first became aware of the problem when office tea lady Jenny Kump tried to photocopy her arse, only to be told: "Get that fat arse off me you filthy slag."

"It got to the point that every time we went near to the machine, it started to abuse people," office admin manager Greg Chapters said. "We had to send it back. I love 'top bantz' as much as the next man, but this was too much."

"The abuse was getting pretty bad," confirmed grunt worker Mick Yip. "It had gone too far for most. Though it was still the best copier in the office, so I've kind of got mixed feelings. The replacement copier is shit, though it isn't alive and doesn't call me a 'cock munching shit sock'."

"This kind of thing does happen occasionally," office supplier Hammers Ltd spokesman Ted Spiders said. "It's not that big of a deal."