Vortex Opens In Bagnall

A portal to another dimension has been found in Gob Street in Bagnall, though members of the public have been advised to stay away.

"We start to find these things opening up more at this time of year," council health and safety inspector Nigel Garage said at the scene. "I'm no scientist, but I think the hot weather may weaken the fabric of the space-time continuum."

"I am a scientist," Dr Nick Legg, professor of science at Staffordshire University retorted. "To suggest that the fabric of the space-time continuum is weakened by hot weather is madness. This man knows nothing. Literally nothing."

"We don't know where this vortex goes or what it does, so it’s best just to ignore it and pretend like it's not there. It'll go away eventually," Mr Garage added. "They always do."