Business As Usual

Stoke's Council of Elders has advised Stokies to go about their business as usual despite the presence of a giant UFO that is hovering over the city.

"The UFO is no threat to Stoke and people should get on with their lives as normal," Elders spokesman Barry Riley advised. "Stopping in the streets and gawping up at it is a health and safety risk to drivers and people who do it will be prosecuted."

The UFO arrived three days ago and has hovered over the city ever since. No contact has been made with the ship or its inhabitants.

"The UFO will leave when it is good and ready," added Mr Riley. "Furthermore, we do not want any locals to try and rob it. We caught one man trying to reach it with a massive ladder. We will be watching."