World Didn't End Then

Stokies have been celebrating all day after it was revealed by inside sources that the world didn't end yesterday as planned.

"This is great news," said local business leader Dave Munton at a celebratory rave in Hanley. "I'm gonna get some pussy tonight to celebrate."

Bullshit

Mexican cult the Mayans had predicted the world's end, much to the amusement of local apocalypse experts.

"This shows that all them foreign cults are just bullshitters," said local cult leader Fred Gash. "Bullshitters, I say. We predict that the world will actually end in 2014, and everything is still on track for that to happen."