Judge: Alien Kidnappers Are Very "Courageous"

Stoke judge Terry Hatepunch has caused outrage throughout the city by describing aliens who kidnap and probe Stokies as "courageous".

Presiding at Fenton Magistrates Court, in the case of Phil Collins vs El Paethorito, Judge Hatepunch praised the alien El Paethorito, who did not attend the hearing, saying that travelling millions of light years to kidnap and anally probe angry Stokies was "brave", and "was not something I could do."

Not that one.

Mr Collins, not the drummer from Genesis, but someone else with the same name, had brought a civil case against the alien who he claims has kidnapped him on multiple occasions, something he says is "definitely not funny".

Despite his comments, Judge Hatepunch eventually sided with Mr Collins, awarding him damages of £250 million.