"I've Had Sex With 1,000 Aliens"

Baddeley Green resident Terry Seagull might not look like a ladykiller, yet he has had sex with over 1,000 female aliens! (Or so he claims.)

"It started the first time I was kidnapped by aliens," says the part-time 'Dr Who' fan. "They were going to probe me, and I was like, 'Why don't you let me probe you instead, if you know what I mean?' And they were like, 'OK,' so I was like, 'Let's do this thing!' I then had it off with the aliens in both positions: normal and doggy."

Terry claims he was so good that the aliens kept coming back for more. "The bitches couldn't get enough of me, they said I'm the best they'd ever had. All of them quite literally said that."

Terry doesn't have proof of any of this, but says his word should be good enough. "C'mon, it's me, El Tel, you know you can trust me. But, if you don't believe me, it's because you're a jealous slut," he says to his detractors.