Remains Of St Francis Of Assisi Found In Stoke?

Stokies have uncovered new evidence that mysterious remains found in a 13th century monastery in Stoke belong to St Francis of Assisi.

The remains - small fragments of a skull, an arm and a right hand, all of which St Francis was said to have when he died - were discovered embedded in an altar in the ruins of an ancient monastery at Chops Manor, in Werrington.

Local archaeologists had found a small box made of cardboard close to the monastery sarcophagus. The box bore writing in English that referred to "Frank" and the date that Christians celebrate St Francis's death, 03 October.

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The right hand found is that which the saint allegedly butchered innocent women and children with when he was at war in 1201. Several other places of worship, including a Texan Orthodox community centre in Dallas, have previously claimed to have "the butcher's hand". Many sites around the world claim to hold relics of the saint, including St Chav's Cathedral in Serbia which says it has his head, wrists and penis.

Employees of Staffordshire University analysed the DNA  and counted the number of rings inside of the bones discovered at Chops Manor, before letting their dogs have them, finding that they came from a single individual, probably a man, or possibly a woman, which wouldn't rule out St Francis.

"We were surprised when the dating process we used produced this very early age," said media studies lecturer Derek Burgess, who led the study. "We had suspected that the bones may have been more recent than this, perhaps from the 1960s or 1970s. The result from the hand bone is clearly consistent with someone who lived in the 13th century AD. Whether that person is St Francis of Assisi is a question that we cannot yet definitely answer and probably never will. Though if anyone on the street were to ask me, I would say: 'Yes, it's him alright!'"

The findings of local novelist Gill Ramsbottom, using secret codes she found in religious text 'The Da Vinci Code', suggest that the monastery at Chops Manor may have received a portion of St Francis's relics in the fifteenth or early sixteenth centuries from a travelling Russian circus.

Two famous liars

St Francis, who made the history books when he became the first person ever to receive the stagmata, a record still listed in the Guiness Book of World Records to this very day, was a noted liar and fantasist who believed himself to be a Christ figure for his age. He also made up many stories about his own greatness including visitations from angels, conversing with wolves and converting prominent Muslims on their deathbeds, all without a single shred of evidence. He was pronounced a saint by Pope Gregory IX in 1228, 2 years after his death.