Valentine's Day

On Valentine's Day in 2009, Fenton lothario Kevin Bond, 19, decided to treat his girlfriend, and mother to one of his four children, to a romantic meal at McDonald's.

McDonald's in Fenton

"I treated her to a Big Mac Meal," explained Kevin. "Cus I'm like that, yer know? Hoes before bros, I say, especially when there's fanny to be had. Anyway, we went round the alley at the back afterwards so I could give it a good 'Bonding', as I call it. I was doin' it to 'er real good when this voice says 'You've got a small knob'. I'm like, 'What the fuck?' Anyway, I don't see no-one so I get right back in there, guts deep, yer know, then the voice pipes up again wiv 'You shag like a paedo'. I'm goin' fuckin' mental. Then I hear, 'She's a right slag', and I look up on the roof and see this ghost floating there laughing his tits off. So we fucked off to me mate Dave's flat and watched a Danny Dyer film."